What is it about Christmas that encourages us to go wild at office parties and end up making complete idiots of ourselves?

Year-end pressure boiling over?

The company’s party budget crying out to be indulged to the max?

I’m sure I don’t know. But there’s something about this time of year that allows us to drop barriers we’d otherwise keep intact. And I often get one or two contrite souls coming to me afterwards, regretful for something they got up to while under the influence. And wondering what they need to do to redeem themselves.

You’ve been there, right? Something crazy and hysterical at the time loses its sparkle in the cold light of the following morning.

Being overheard by the MD making a scathing joke about his comb-over. Ahead of getting his approval for some major spend you were hoping for.

Feeling like Robbie Williams as you do that karaoke song, but looking like an X Factor reject when you see it played back on video by your PA on YouTube the next day.

Missing a massive client meeting because of alcohol-induced over-sleeping.

Shagging Bob in finance who you’ve lusted after all year, only to find it was a complete disappointment.

Now, you might be expecting me to give you some wise words about how to avoid these things.

I’m not going to.

Been there. Done that. So I’m not about to prevent others having the same kind of blast.

Besides the answer to the problem doesn’t lie in avoidance.  My take is that, if you’re going to go wild, you should go wild. But just know that it has consequences.

On the upside too, as much as boundaries are down this time of year, acceptance and forgiveness are up. So, if you do something embarrassing, laugh it off while the spirit of Christmas is still erring in your favor and get over yourself. You’ve got a good 12 months to regain face before your next moment of office party madness.

photo credit: Commonorgarden

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Personal Development is one of the fastest growing niche markets on the web, and lots of people are setting themselves up as a leader, guide or mentor in their field of expertise.

In this day and age where so many of us are searching for answers, we’ll identify with those who seem to offer an understanding of our challenges and the journey needed to overcome them. But can we be sure that appearances are more than skin deep?

Here are 5 things you should know.

Not all gurus are equal

The place of guide or mentor belongs to those who themselves are on a path and continue to travel it daily. Their own journey will be different to yours and they recognize that. But their dedication to their own development gives them a wealth of hardcore experience from which to support you.

Contrast the position of the unscrupulous or hopeful searcher, who has decided, because there’s such an opportunity in the market, and no barrier to entry, that he or she can just write a website and set themselves up. They may be able to knock out interesting blog posts based on material they’ve regurgitated from others. And they may have very slick marketing skills.

But, when the chips are down, and you need some big support with a major bump in your road, do they really have what it takes to help you through it?

Beware gurus who promise a quick fix

The self development master knows that you have the resources in you to create opportunities and change in your life. As much as helping you work through from where you are, they know that a vital part of their role is to help you build your own self-development muscle enabling you, more and more, to tap into your own resources.

But this takes time.

The would-be guru likes to focus on quickly actionable stuff. It meets the needs of our healing on the hurry-up lifestyles. Now, instruction and practical stuff has its place, but too much “tell”, without any attempt to get to the core of your challenges, only fosters your dependence on them for the answers.

Beware gurus who will only attend to one part of your reality

You are your past, present and future. The master is comfortable to constellate all of those in an integrated and positive way as they work with you.

The would-be tends to want to focus on only one or two of these, excluding and often discounting the other. Their discomfort, or misguided belief, robs you of some of your depth.

Be cynical about gurus who project the illusion of the perfect life

The true guide is imperfect and okay about it. They see their fallibility as a strength because they know it means that they’re human. It gives them empathy in their quest to relate to others.

The “life is sorted” brigade are not just being insincere; they are setting themselves up to be better and hence apart from you.

You may initially think that it’s very inspiring to have a totally sorted person as a role model, because you see them as someone you want to be like. But you’re setting yourself up to be miserable, because totally sorted doesn’t exist.

Be cautious of those happy to give themselves the guru title

Real guides and mentors – folks who are indeed “gurus” – shun being defined by that word. They sit in their expertise and own it confidently. Yes, of course, they may use 21st century marketing practices to let you know who they are, but they’re not bumming it.

The folks to watch out for are those who’ll give themselves the title and brag about their expertise and achievements.

To avoid playing the personal development game – lots of apparent discussion and action with no real progress – you need to be smart and discerning. Remember this is your life you’re talking about. Treat it wisely.

Have you ever come across any of the practices above? How did it affect you? How did you deal with it? Are there any other unscrupulous practices you’ve seen around the web or in the personal development world at large?

photo credit: Irene Stylianou

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As someone who has been coaching for around fifteen years, I often peer-coach, supervise or mentor other coaches. It’s a role that allows me a small part in shaping good practice in what is an exciting, fast-growing profession. I love supporting people who are hungry to learn about themselves as practitioners and to watch them channel this back into their coaching work.

As you might imagine, our conversations occasionally turn to how they can differentiate themselves from the morass of coaches out there. The fact that there’s currently no requirement for any formal training or accreditation is both a strength and weakness. For, whilst the naturally talented can start working relatively easily, there are no filters for those with dubious credentials. And everyone, everywhere seems to be punting the same stuff.

The key lies in being wholly conscious of the effect you personally have on your coaching relationships; continuously developing your professional skills; taking a hardcore business approach to your practice; and having the courage to stand head and shoulders apart from the others.

Still, if you’d find that too much like hard work, here’s how to stay part of the herd:

• Believe that coaching is one of the “helping professions”. Give of yourself endlessly. It’s thrilling enough to have found your vocation in life. You shouldn’t expect to earn money from it too.
• Don’t charge for sessions. Yes, of course, many coaches give a free half hour chemistry session, but beyond that make sure you give away plenty of your time. Call it abundance thinking if it makes you feel better. You’ll have people flocking to you and you’ll feel wonderful about yourself. Which is what it’s all about.
• If you can’t easily give your time away, take more time over your sessions than you committed to. Call scheduled for one hour? Give them two. They’ll love your generosity and be back for more.
• Coach your close friends and family. Coaching bodies might judge it to be unethical, but what do they know?
• Don’t worry too much about being on time for coaching sessions. After all, you can easily blame public transport, or technology problems. Better, tell your client that you’ve run over so horrendously today because you’ve had some “difficult cases”. That’s bound to impress.
• Gush inauthentically to each of your clients about how amazing it is to be working with them. Keep selling them on coaching, long after they’ve bought you.
• Develop a sausage machine process to put your clients through. Write it up. Give it some funky brand name, so that it sounds good. And insist on following it, even when your client would rather talk about something else. After all, you’re in charge of setting the coaching agenda, right?
• If your client won’t follow your process, turn the coaching session into a therapy session for you, in which you confess that you don’t know what it is about you that means your clients won’t play by your rules.
• If things become a little uncertain or confused for you, get the client to fill in some questionnaires so that you understand them better. It’ll knock their socks off when they know you can interpret LIFO or some other dubious personality test.
• Learn some of the bland and inept, but wise-sounding phrases that circulate these parts and use them at key moments in your coaching work. So, when your client begins to reveal to you some fundamental misgivings he has about his banking career, smile kindly, thank him for sharing and, crucially, tell him to give his question over to the universe for resolution. He’ll never be able to thank you enough.
• Write a blog. Track down all the other coaches online and copy their formula. Especially, if they have big followings. That’s a fair indication of how well they’re doing, isn’t it?
• Don’t write or act in a way that gives any flavour of your own personality or point of view. The coach persona is an important one to wear at all times. And, in any case, people might not like the real you.
• Work with everyone that shows any interest in being coached by you. Believe that you have something to give to anyone who comes along.
• Hug everyone. Often.
• Finally, don’t invest any time or money in your own development. Coaching is for clients, not you. And, if only they would sort themselves out, this dream job would be so much less stressful and you might even make more money from it. But you’ll get there in the end….

Come on, there must be other things you can do to make sure you remain in that fabulously cosy “me too” place. What are they?

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