Take Bob who was living in the grip of one such “truth” when I began working with him.

A young, talented and ambitious accountant, he’d recently been disappointed to find that he hadn’t even been nominated for the promotion process that would eventually allow him to apply for partnership. But the icing on the cake was the following advice dished out to him by his HR Director:

“You can’t have a career and a good work life balance,”

When I asked him to help me understand, he shared that he wanted to have a life, as much as he wanted to have a career. He was no slouch. He’d work the hours to finish audits on time, and he’d conduct after-hours client review meetings no problem. But when the pressure was off, he’d leave work at six and spend his evenings with his wife and two children, instead of doing the politically required thing of staying at his desk.

This went against the grain for his firm. So, if he wanted a career there he was going to have to choose between two parts of him that he did not want to experience as ever being in conflict.

Reframe The Belief

The first step in our coaching work was to challenge the assumption in the belief.

“Is it true that one cannot have a career and a rich life beyond it?” I asked.

As we talked it through, it became obvious that, while it was true of his company, he could think of lots of other people in his life and in the public eye who had good lives and good careers.

Take Back The Power

Next up was for Bob to consider whose picture of a professional life he was going to follow: his own or his firm’s.

In the former, Bob himself could set goals for himself and decide what was and wasn’t okay for him. In the latter, he’d hand over much of his power to his firm. They’d decide what was appropriate, and Bob would moderate himself to fit in.

He decided that constantly measuring himself against some external standard, as he had been until that point, was no longer for him. Deciding to put himself in the driving seat of his own career allowed him to feel much more confident and resourceful.

Can You Get What You Want Here?

He decided to test out his current firm by having a further conversation with the HRD about how much latitude there actually was on worklife issues. But he returned to me disappointed.

“The partnership is a club,” the HRD had said. “It may say it values worklife balance, but really it expects complete loyalty. Either you’re happy to play by the rules or you’re not.”

We looked at the kind of club this partnership actually was and whether it was one of which Bob really wanted to be a member. He reflected on the phenomenal professionalism on the one hand; on the other he spoke of the failed marriages, the confirmed singletons, the relationships that appeared to exist purely on convenience. He started to square up to the possibility that this was not a club to which he would willingly belong.

Where Can You Get It?

With my support, he then went off and began having tentative chats with people in his professional network. He was trying to get a feel for how life was in other accountancy and professional service firms. Many of them seemed to have similar cultures. But some of the mid-sized, more entrepreneurial ones appeared more open to the possibility that their people might want to have more in their lives than work.

Finally, he was offered and accepted a senior management role for a smaller firm, with a fast-track route to partnership based on how things mutually worked out.

The last time I spoke to him he’d just been promoted, and was delighted.

Bob’s is just one example of how career rules can work against individuals, and how it’s possible, by getting clear of what’s true for you, to find a better fit.

What career rules might you be unduly struggling against? How might using Bob’s example free you up?

photo credit: Aerokev

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The other day I was doing a thorough review of the analytics of my site with Marketing Coach, Jim Connolly.

We discovered an interesting thing.

Lots of people are reading my stuff at 2am.

There could be two reasons for this:

Either you’re so passionate about what you’re doing that you’re burning the candle on social media searches. Or some problem is keeping you awake, enticing you online in search of solutions.

My writing and outlook on life can be very upbeat. Sometimes I struggle to get across that I know what it’s like to see no solution to your problems. But the truth is I’ve been there myself in spades. Which means I’m not just well equipped, but also delighted to support you find your way through whatever challenges you’re currently facing.

You’re unlikely to disclose what’s going on for you on a post comment. But I just want you to know that I love getting emails and calls out of the blue from people who have read the blog and just want to reach out confidentially.

So, if there’s something you’d like help with, email me on christine (at) adifferentkindofwork.com, or pick the phone up to me on +44 (0) 7767 244977.

I look forward to hearing from you.

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1. 4 Reframes To Get Your Career Groove Back

I decided to write this post to share why I think that workshops are such a powerful form of coaching.

Work Life Balance Workshop

I created The Worklife Makeover because everything tells me that “work life balance” is something people are struggling with more and more these days.

Particularly in the current economy where people – assuming they’re working at all – are working harder for the same or less money than before.

Where many things that folks once took for granted about the security of their jobs has disappeared. Including in the relatively more “safe” public sector.

Where business owners are having to really hustle for their livelihoods.

Where expected career paths are evaporating in front of people’s eyes.

Where once certain retirement plans have become unclear.

In corporate speak, while the government plays the game of digging the country out of its black hole of debt, consumer confidence is tanking. And, unsurprisingly, employee engagement measures are hitting the deck.

People are understandably feeling the pressure. Something my good friend Judy Martin wrote about just this week.

Companies are offering their own solutions to these challenges, as Judy clearly points out. But this isn’t universally true.

Besides, I wanted to offer a service, an event, that allows people to look at their lives more broadly than to what extent they help fulfil a corporation’s agenda of them.

I wanted to support people find their own voices, and retrieve a sense of personal power in the chaos that’s going on around us.

Workshops: The Power of the Group

In one to one work, I endorse and support people to find their own path.

But with certain topics, getting a small group of kindred spirits together has enormous value of its own. People, who don’t know each other from Adam in the beginning, meet around a shared concern, and become one another’s sounding boards.

Of course it takes strong facilitation and coaching to quickly create the safety that allows people to share. And highly focused content and coaching exercises to help people hone in on what’s right for them.

But beyond that, as I help people rethink their lives, see new possibilities, and shift old mindsets that keep them stuck, the power of the group plays a role too.

It mirrors back to you who you really are. It witnesses your casting off of stuff that no longer suits you. It amplifies for you the positive decisions you make in going forward in your life.

Workshops: You are not alone

With skilful leadership, the group develops its own energy. People come to understand that they are not alone in things. A community emerges that supports itself.

Often, that community extends beyond the workshop in ways of its own. I just have to watch my Twitter feed these days to see the interconnections that go on between the online folks who attended my last workshop, and that’s not to mention some of the off-line stuff I am part of too.

So, don’t underestimate workshops. Well run, they can be transformational.

What workshops have you attended, or indeed run, where the power of the event and the group rocked your life?

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1. Who Else Wants A Free Worklife Makeover?
2. New Work Pioneers Use Crises As Opportunities For Change
3. The Birth of a New Work Pioneer

How sad is that?

Still, it echoes a lot of what I hear and see around me: people completely frazzled ahead of the school holidays, bouyed up by the prospect of a couple of weeks in the sun and putting off any big decisions about life till the autumn.

photo credit: beamillion

All of which has got me thinking about what that says about how much – or rather, how little – we value ourselves and our lives.

How we tend to see work and holidays in a very black and white, all and nothing kind of way.

The extent to which we adapt ourselves to fit our society in ways that don’t suit us.

And how it might be if we took holidays, less as a recovery from some punishing schedule, and more as a welcome pause to refresh and recharge our generally happy existences?

In my coaching work, people learn to free themselves from the tyranny of loving only to hate their work. They come to understand the interconnections of their work as an aspect of their whole lives. They begin to find their own way of being in a society that would prefer them to conform. To live authentic lives and to feel the sense of peace and happiness that brings. In that scenario, they’ll find their own rhythm about what effort versus what rest they need and what that looks like. Whether they take rest in big blocks, or they weave it into their daily lives. How time off feeds them and how they can hold on to its nourishment when they resume their endeavours.

They take lovely holiday, for sure. But they rarely need them.

And, yes, it’s hard work to get to this place, but breaking out of the vicious cycle of work and holidays is entirely possible.

What about you? What do holidays mean in your life? What single thing could you do differently that would allow the benefit of holidays to have a more lasting effect for you?

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1. Looking At Life Through The Eyes Of A Child
2. How To Get Paid For Eating Chocolate Cake
3. Who Else Wants A Free Worklife Makeover?

Today I’m delighted to welcome the super-talented Tara Sophia Mohr. Her beautiful piece challenges us to consider what our real work is – and how we can do it, irrespective of what job we might currently be doing.

Work Worthy of You

There you are. You. A sacred human being, with your particular form of brilliance. It may be a form of brilliance that school teachers knew how to recognize, and they at school could assess, but probably not. It may be a form of brilliance that your parents saw and spoke to you about, probably not. But don’t be confused, your unique brilliance resides within you, and the world needs it.

Then there is your heart, your desire to create something of value, something that heals or enriches or improves the world. There is your desire to be part of something good, something ethical, something meaningful.

Work can be about all of this. Work can be the experience that uses your gifts and fulfills your desire for contribution. Work can be the ultimate expression of what you came here, to this planet, to do. Work can be worthy of the sacredness of you.

The Mind Baggage

Here comes the mind-baggage, the voice that rushes in to say, “but I could never make a living doing something that I love.” The belief that you could never be more than an easily exchangeable part in the vast economic machine. There are all the fears – of failing if you go your own way, of what other people will think, of the risks of dropping out of the mainstream way. There is the fear of ending up starving on the street.

It is up to each of us to question these fears – are they true? Are they guiding you in a wise way? Do they reflect a realistic assessment of risk? Are they voices of reason, or simply voices of fear?

If you set all those fears aside, place them outside the chamber of your thinking, what do you see now, about what you want? What do you see now about what is possible?

Your Job vs. Your Real Work

In my work with coaching clients, we make a distinction between their jobs and their real work. Their jobs are whatever they are doing to earn income at the moment.

Their real work is what they feel called to do, the work that feels right in the soul. It’s the work that ignites their passion and releases the adrenalin in their veins. It’s the work that makes life feel more alive and colorful, yet more calm and balanced, all at the same time. It’s the work that makes them feel stronger, that makes them feel like themselves.

I stand for this: everyone can do their real work – no matter what their job at the moment. Everyone has the opportunity to begin doing their real work – in some way – no matter what their external circumstances — financial constraints, family responsibilities, lack of time.

If your real work is protecting the environment and your job is trading stocks, you can do your real work through volunteering, political action, and philanthropy. If your real work is teaching music and your job is web design, you can teach music to a person in your community, once a week.

It’s the self-sabotaging voice within us that makes it either-or, black and white. That part of us loves the melodramatic idea that you had to give up your passion long ago, that there is just no way to keep it alive now that you have a mortgage, family, demanding job…you fill in the blank. That part of us sees us as stuck, powerless victims when it comes to creating fulfilling work.

Why? Because doing our real work is scary. It’s real. It’s emotional. It’s vulnerable. It evokes to fear to start claiming our real lives, to start living more authentically, so a part of us tries to keep us safe in the known status-quo.

But you are bigger than that, and smarter than that, so notice the fear, notice the resistance, and start doing your real work, in some manageable, doable way.

You’ll find that the joy and energy you get from doing your real work is so big and rich and powerful that even small amounts of time spent on it will change your life.

Create the Relationship Between Your Job and Your Real Work

As you do your real work more and more, you get to decide: what do you want the relationship between your job and your real work to be? They can be one and the same: you can make your real work also the thing you do for income. Or they can remain separate. Or they can overlap somewhat, but not entirely. You get to decide.

At different stages of our lives, and based on our different personalities and needs, different solutions work. For example, Carol’s real work is helping struggling youth, and she thinks one day, maybe after her kids have left the nest, she’d like her job to be in that field. For now, she really appreciates a less demanding, moderately fulfilling job that allows her flexibility and lots of time with her family. For the time being, she works with youth organizations as a volunteer and board member, and she loves it. Mark, another client, recently decided that it just wasn’t fulfilling enough for him to keep his job and his real work separate. He made a major career change and started a finance business run in a socially responsible way, pursuing his real work calling.

You get to decide what you want the relationship between your job and your real work to be, but there is no excuse for turning your back on your real work.

Your real work will reduce stress and resentment and pessimism in you, and it will bring more humor, lightness of spirit, and emotional balance into your life. It will bring more meaning and vitality into your daily existence. And it will give the world what the world is so thirsty for – human beings showing up in their full vitality to contribute for the good.

Tara Sophia Mohr is a writer, coach, and personal growth teacher. She writes the blog Wise Living. You can receive her free Goals Guide, “Turning Your Goals Upside Down and Inside Out (To Get What You Really Want)” by clicking here.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

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1. The Birth of a New Work Pioneer
2. Here’s How New Work Pioneers Navigate Their Journey
3. Deviation From The Norm – My Different Kind Of Work

They spend years, not to mention thousands of pounds, on the next book, coach or workshop that offers the key to the holy grail.

Meantime they feel pretty miserable doing whatever it is they’re doing – or not – right now. And beat themselves up for being a lesser person because, unlike the zealous peddlars of the vocation myth, they haven’t found what work it is they’re really supposed to be doing.

Experiments

In working with clients having this experience, I encourage them to take all that forward-looking pressure off themselves and live in the present.

What if they could allow themselves to find something meaningful in what they’re doing right now?

What if they saw their current work or lack of it as an experiment, telling them something about themselves, their lives, and what they most enjoy?

What would they discover? How could they use that learning to course-correct their current situation, or future work decisions?

Not one calling but several

In my client work, as in my own life, I see time and time again how what we do shifts and morphs over time. The picture of vocation as a static, certain thing into which we can plough ourselves for endless years is misguided.

Sure, some people know early on that they’re called to be a doctor or singer or lawyer or whatever.

But for others it’s a discovery process of finding one jigsaw puzzle piece of ourselves after another in the different things we do. Without valuing the purpose of the bit we’re doing right now, we’ll never get to understand the full picture.

Implications

If you’re someone searching for your one big calling, I encourage you to sit and think about this today:

How might you be diminishing yourself by constantly yearning after some other thing than what’s right in front of you?

I’m not saying that there’s not something bigger waiting for you.

What I am saying is that, if you put yourself back into the flow of what you’re doing right now, you’re more likely to find it more quickly and more powerfully.

What do you think?

photo credit: alicepopkorn

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1. The Birth of a New Work Pioneer
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As the class started, I had a completely unimpeded view of her posture; how she was lifting her weights; and how she was moving in time with the music. Somewhere in my peripheral vision was the mirror’s reflection of the rest of the class. For sure, some of them were pretty fit and pretty good. But many hadn’t quite got the technique right, or were moving out of time with the music. Still, I didn’t have to be put off by any inaccurate postures or discordant tempos, because I could screen it out and look straight ahead to the teacher in front of me, and her model of what good exercising looked like.

As with most things I want to do well in life, I went straight to the person from whom I could learn the most, the best, and the fastest.

Looking back on corporate jobs I’ve done, the ones I most enjoyed were those where I aligned myself to people who were great leaders, both of people and of their business discipline. And as I’ve learned how to coach well; deepened my skills in psychology; and cracked the use of social media, I’ve always sought out people who were already at the top of their game and who stood out from the crowd of those who would imitate them.

In other words, I’ve stood next to the masters.

There are many imitations out there. Lots of people who herd together following the movements of those closest them, fooling themselves that that’s mastery. And it’s not like those people don’t have their followers, because they do. But ultimately there are a lot of echoes in our whole human system, because being an echo is safe.

It’s much more difficult to step away way from people who would be good and put yourself in the position of deciding not to leave the development of your mastery to chance.

In days gone by there was a way to develop oneself to the best of one’s abilities. It was called apprenticeship. A fledgling artist or crafts person would pay money to sit alongside the masters of their time and mimic their skill.

When the apprentice could easily reproduce what the master could do it was time for her to put her learning to the service of expressing her own art or craft. Thus her own journey to mastery began.

Now, I’m not suggesting you formally apprentice yourself to anyone. But the model of identifying the best person you can learn from, and actively getting alongside them is a useful one if you have the vision of being at the top of your game in any field.

Indeed, you may want to identify several masters from whom you can perfect distinct aspects of your craft.

Think about it: what does mastery mean to you? Who are your masters? What’s stopping you from standing more closely to them?

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I’ve had a curious experience this week that I wanted to share.

It was all the more surprising as I’d just spent some deeply happy days unplugging and enjoying the successes of the first half of the year.

And back at work, I’d confidently set my second half year targets: run 3 Worklife Makeover workshops; add 5 new coaching spaces; sell and deliver 2 social media strategy pieces.

More details on all of these shortly.

I can’t say that one thing triggered it. Maybe it was reading online about the Emergency Budget and its resultant public spending job losses. Maybe it was the stuff I’d seen on TV about the BP oil spill and its ravages on both the US coast line and on the financial markets. Maybe it was the two old whingers I’d overheard in my local coffee shop, crapping on about everything from England’s disastrous World Cup performance to the impact of recession on their pension funds.

But suddenly I found myself asking:

“Who am I…?”

Who am I to be this confident about business in the midst of such upheaval and uncertainty? To be so successful? To have this lifestyle? To feel so loved?

Fear and doubt crept in.

I noticed my attention shift from what I wanted to do in the next months, to what I feared I may not be able to do.

What if I can’t pay my mortgage?

I felt my power sap, and my horizons narrow.

Maybe I should get A Job.

Then, shit, there are no jobs, and, in any case, who’d hire me eleven years out?

Those of you who know me well enough may find this surprising, even funny, but I spent a few unhappy hours, just swimming around in this self-destructive soup.

Whoa!

Unhappy. It was realising that this was how I was feeling that pulled me back from a shockingly downward spiral. I’ve done a lot of unhappy in the past, and I’ve vowed not to do it for long any more.

Life’s too short. Who can afford unhappy?

It was as I was coming back to myself that I got to wondering about all the negativity that’s out there and whether it has some sinister purpose that I’d momentarily got caught up in.

Maybe, I thought, doom and gloom is society’s way of keeping us in line and reminding us who’s boss. It sends an insidious fear message that talks right at the level of our most limiting beliefs.

Sure, it’s all dressed up in fancy, logical language.

The black hole in the economy. Budget deficits. Necessary measures.

Blah, blah.

But it shifts our focus from what we want to do because it’s naturally us, to what we have to do in order to stay valid society members. And it robs our vitality, so that we have energy only for achieving those needs.

Not buying into this.

I heard the words as I regained my own perspective. Yes, I want much of what society would deem as acceptable. But I also want to it on my terms.

And I realised that this was the choice doom and gloom gives us. We can either allow it to knock us out and surrender to its spell; or we can choose not to accept its handcuffs.

And I wonder what choices you’re making in its midst?

Don’t miss more detailed news of upcoming events and product launches! Subscribe to the blog here. And, for priority notification of offers and downloads, sign up for the newsletter.

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Believe it or not, this blog is a year old this month. And it was my birthday yesterday. As you read this, I’m easing back for a few days, basking in my gratitude for this last amazing year.

Join me in a slice of virtual birthday cake and indulge me as I share with you some of the highlights.

Creating

I started blogging because, simplistically, I thought it would bring together two passions of mine: my love for writing, and my thing about the role work plays in creating meaning in people’s lives.

In tandem I was ready to build more of a practice of clients who came privately to me, as opposed to having been referred and paid for by corporations, with all of the strings that tended to be attached. That meant building brand new networks.

In the beginning I had only an intuitive sense of what I could do with the blog. But the energy and enthusiasm I unleashed in myself just by starting it was reason enough to keep going.

I was a novice to the technical side of things. Still, I hungrily taught myself the basics of WordPress, as challenging in the beginning as that was. I also threw myself into learning about the wider social media world. As someone who’d done business in a traditional way for years, I felt like I’d stepped off my safe planet onto some fourth dimension, of immense potential.

Suddenly social media was opening doors I could never have imagined. If only, to begin with, in my own head.

Search for meaning

Offline it used to be pretty easy. My networks knew that I was the “go to” coach for the kind of stuff I do. Offline you don’t have to be so sharp: people know what you do and your experience speaks for itself.

But how on earth do you articulate that online to people who don’t know you from Adam?

Attempting to get clarity, I searched around in my niche and found a few terrific blogs and bloggers. Pam Slim’s Escape From Cubicle Nation is great for those wanting to set out in a entrepreneurial direction. Scot Herrick’s Cube Rules has terrific advice for people dedicated to sticking with their office jobs. In the beginning I put out some thought pieces, both for those who were thinking of quitting their jobs, and those in employment alike. I knew I wasn’t really hitting the nail on the head or being totally, authentically myself. But I had to search for my own voice and my own angle post by post.

Meantime, I was so convinced that social media was going to take my work in a new direction – and one that would allow me to work more from home – that my other half and I decided to move out of London. He doesn’t need to be in town, and I was concerned that having The City on my doorstep would tempt me to default of more of the same. So in October we took our courage in both hands and took up home in a 300-year old converted cottage in the Chilterns. Big change, but ultimately such a joy.

Focusing down

Moving house really did mean that I had to up the ante on the blog. By Christmas, I understood the whole blogging and social media thing so much better and so could begin to set targets for my business based on using it.

By then too, I was able to articulate for myself that my offering is about coaching and inspiring professional people to work and live on their own terms. I was starting to really get that my difference was in supporting people’s own process, rather than telling people what to do. Correction, I was starting to be brave enough to say that.

Additionally, I could see that there was a wave of people at work who tended to be more my kind of client than any other. They were those who were consciously directing their own lives and questioning the role of work within it. And in February, I put some of these thoughts out in my post on The Silent Rise of The New Work Pioneer.

I also started to get braver about putting my personality across, and wrote a real piss-taker in my How To Make Sure You Never Get Aheadpost. Now that was fun!

The clearer and more focused I got, and the more confident about putting it out, the more the comments and retweets came. More than that, the better I got to know and connect with people in and around social media, the stronger these networks and connections have become.

Whilst in the beginning an intuition drove me, I’m now motivated by the clarity of my vision and sense of direction.

Leveraging

So, things are now at a point where coaching prospects and clients are starting to come through the blog, both directly and indirectly. In addition, I’ve just run my first workshop, was very happy with the outcome, and am ready to start adding that as a product, which I’ll be running from September.

Of course, there’s more development to come yet. The New Work Pioneer Manifesto needs PDFing and sending out. There’s a book to be written from some of the material for The Worklife Makeover. There’s another, longer workshop in development, and next year I plan to add an Interactive Learning Environment to the site.

It’ll all get done. But the point is that I could not be building these things, and seeing them generate results without the foundation work that’s been done.

An interesting, but unexpected, twist has come this week when in just one day I had several requests for consultancy support for social media for coaching businesses. My own personal development coach has been telling me for months that I need to package an offering. I didn’t see myself adding this to my business portfolio. If I can help people light up their businesses in the way I have, and enrich their experience of work in a similar way, why wouldn’t I?

Well, I’m off to eat more cake and drink more champagne now, but as I chomp and slurp, I want to thank you guys for being around these last weeks and months. It’s been fabulous and I’m only looking forward to more.

Cheers!

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2. Upping the ante in 2010
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I loved every minute of it, which at a level would have been success enough. But, as it happens, the workshop was successful on many more fronts.

Over the weekend, I asked myself what had contributed to it having achieved such a great outcome.

Great People

The most amazing group of people turned up. Some were readers, some bloggers, some clients, some friends and some a mixture of all four. Whatever networks had brought us together initially, I realised after that I had a mutually trusting and respectful connection with each of them. There was, for me, some magic in that.

Everyone who said they’d be there turned up. I had zero drop-out. Quite unheard of. They all came with the expectation that they were there for an experience and so they got it.

One of the key contributing factors to the day was, then, the power of relationship, and the solid foundations that gives to doing impactful self-development work.

Belief

As the people who were there on Friday will testify, belief is a big theme of mine!

Looking back, I know that I went into the day knowing that it would be great. In fact, I’d designed, developed and planned the whole event on that basis. That indeed it was so reinforces to me the power of operating from that place.

Play

I ran this version of the workshop as a pilot and was quite upfront with people about just that.

Taking any pressure off of myself to need to get it right freed up space in me to relax, play and be in the moment. In other words, I made it okay for myself just to be.

Venue

The room I chose for the event was awesome. I wanted a venue where people could gather in what would feel like a comfortable front room. It needed not to be some mediocre training room with a board table and bottom numbing chairs.

Charlotte Street Hotel excelled on all fronts. A beautiful room and immaculate, inobtrusive service simply and elegantly set the stage for the work we were doing.

Presence

Last week was an odd week for me in one major regard: I could not write to save myself. Luckily, with the benefit of the insights I’d had the previous week, I didn’t force it.

My sense now is that I was somehow gathering up my creative energies for the workshop. I reflect that so much of what makes a difference in my work is, well, me. Yes, my session had structure and content. But it was being worked around people’s real, burning issues. There’s no amount of mental preparation you can do to be with that. I enable the shifts because something of my presence in the moment facilitates it.

That requires me to be available.

And I was.

I could not be happier with the feedback I got. People emailing and Twittering. And, if you want to share some of the online buzz, head across to Eleanor Edwards and read it from her too!

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