It’s a question I’ve asked myself.

Lots.

What’s so human about Human Resources?

It’s the corporate function in which I grew up and which for many years I enjoyed. Yet it has always struggled to articulate its purpose.

When it adopted the Dave Ulrich thinking about HR roles, it got new religion about creating value for itself as a business partner. But the more it moved towards that picture, the more it seemed to distance itself from the very thing it was trying to achieve.

Although it’s not the whole story, that was definitely one of my push factors in reaching to find my own different kind of work.

Still, as I’ve morphed from HR person to consultant to coach, I’ve held on to a sense of myself being an HR person.

Even an HR hippy!

So, I was both nervous and excited about going to the Connecting HR Unconference in London yesterday. Excited because I’d met so many fabulous folks already through our blogs and on Twitter, with whom I felt a shared desire to shake up the HR party. Nervous because I was asking myself what I could really contribute to the day that wouldn’t be regarded as being too far out.

I was sure there would be a lot of smiles and warm mutual hello’s. But had I now become my own manifestation of one client’s naughty HR nickname – hardly relevant?

The Spring

The first thing to hit me was the venue. This wasn’t five star hotel conference centre stuff. It was the kind of place, in a pretty rough part of town, that I’d normally expect to go do some of the more esoteric workshops that I attend from time to time to feed my soul.

And daylight. Natural daylight. The place was full of it.

So, I felt relaxed just walking in. I could relate to this place and it to me.

Connection

And then the gleeful meetings began. Immediate OMGs, kisses and hugs. Then, sitting down and looking around waves and smiles at avatar recognitions.

People had turned up as themselves. On our badges we wrote our names and Twitter handles. That was all that was necessary. It was like the whole need for job titles melted in some unwritten but shared decision that all the box, power and hierarchy stuff wasn’t going to be a factor here.

And if we even got into asking “what do you do?” it became so apparent that there was such diversity in the room that my worry about no longer being a card carrying HR member evaporated.

Permission

And with that came the permission to bring to the table and talk about what was meaningful to us. The agenda was at first a few blank sheets of flip chart paper that, with the help of the facilitation team, became a series of expert-led discussions and conversation groups.

The “experts” were self-appointed. People who had a burning need to share a piece of thought leadership, or to offer a framework around which to have a meaty and relevant discussion. Where relevance was being decided moment by moment by us personally.

Got a bit bored with a session? Go find another more interesting to you.

Conversation not touching your burning issue? Put it out there yourself.

I loved watching people finding their own way to be themselves. Musicians knowing we play different instruments. Everyone playing theirs and allowing the natural tune and rhythm to find itself.

Energy

The day’s process was captured real time by a bunch of fabulous artists led by a guy called Tim. In narrating back to us what he and his team were witnessing and drawing, Tim used the word “aura” to describe something of the energy and atmosphere that was in the room.

I reflected how often we talk about energy and atmospheres like they’re metaphors for something else rather than being phenomenon of their own. Phenomenon to which we can and should attend.

And in this picture Darius fends off Callum Saunders

But one of the most impactful parts of the day for me was an Aikido demonstration by some of the guys who use the venue for that purpose. Having an experience of neutralising – or was it channeling? – opposing energies was awesome indeed.

Not that I hadn’t seen anything this before. But never witnessed it being introduced without skepticism in a business or work context.

Whole person

On the train going home, between tweeting madly about the day, something else fell into place for me.

When I could articulate why I had really turned up for the event at all it was because I believe with a passion that it’s not just HR that needs to change – it’s that the world of work needs to be different. Jobs these days may enable better living conditions, and demand that you use more of your brain, but to my mind they’re often a kind of modern version of the Industrial Revolution factories and sweatshops.

Work is still too often split from life. As if it, and who you are when you’re doing it, are different to who and how you can be outside of work. The whole work life balance myth perpetuates this kind of belief.

Also the natural systems that support life are often disregarded or paid scant regard. Much of work may now happen in architecturally amazing buildings. But that doesn’t always stop the people who inhabit them from working long hours. Or from encountering forms of abuse. Or from harming their health. Or from having to leave their soul behind when they turn up.

The unconference, however, had somehow harnessed body, mind and spirit. People were able to be more present. Our engagement was high. Our ideas, intentions, and sense of shared purpose coming out of the event excellent.

What’s so human about human resources?

Which brings me back to the title of my post, and my own takeaway from the day.

It’s that as HR folk we need to enable people in our businesses to be able to bring themselves – all of themselves – to work, and for that to be okay.

It’s not about picking the attractive box of a job role that someone else created and living it out. It’s about being ourselves and finding a way to do it that supports the communities that bring our businesses alive.

By being ourselves in this way, we give permission for those around us also to be themselves. It’s more creative for sure, less clear, and maybe a little anxiety provoking at times. But it’s a lot more human too!

Thanks to @garelaos and @sarahfmatthews for the images.

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2. Here’s How New Work Pioneers Navigate Their Journey
3. How To Get Paid For Eating Chocolate Cake

Back from cyber break.

I should have hung an “out to lunch” post on the blog before closing my Mac down before Easter – that would have let you know not to expect to see me for a while. But in the run up to my self-imposed cut-off time, the words didn’t get written. Instead I made a deliberate choice to give energy to my clients, and to finish an eBook I’ve been writing. And I honoured my commitment to finishing when I said I would.

The perfectionist in me bristled with that. I don’t like to leave things unfinished.

And I’ve been percolating some thoughts on how to make work fit life or life fit work when you live on social media – or at least do some of your marketing there.

Purpose

I’ve asked myself recently why I’m on social media; why I use it. My immediate answers are about building engagement around my two blogs (this and Christine Livingston). Why am I interested to build engagement? Well, as much as I love it for its own sake, I also have an agenda of increasing my traffic in order to be able to sell digital products.

Presence

Building traffic demands that you be there, stirring the pot from time to time with fresh content and interaction.

But are these goals in conflict with having a life, or indeed, paradoxically, of building the very kind of social media presence I want in the long term?

What if I – or you for that matter – choose that our presence is valuable in other, non-social media places? Or even that time normally spent, for example, hanging out on Twitter, is better invested in developing those digital products that I ultimately want to sell?

No right or wrong

I suspect that there’s no right or wrong to any of this and that what works for me may not work for you or for the next person. Catching up on stuff I missed when I was off, I came across Michael Martine’s post on the need to be consistent as a blogger, which I totally get. But what if consistent is something you can’t be? Or, rather, if consistent is something that emerges?

Priority

There’s something in the mix too for me about the grand hierarchy of what’s important in life, and making my commitments accordingly. I’m crystal clear that the top priority in my life is my partner and my relationship with him. So when, at times like the holiday I’ve just had, it’s something we’ve arranged together, I choose to turn up for it.

I remember some years ago a colleague telling me that, one of the reasons she was quitting her very senior HR job to spend time with her children, was for her sake as much as theirs. That stayed with me; it made me understand that time with other people was not just to appease them in some way, it was to nourish me too.

And that’s important. Especially as relationship is a core principal of my work. If I cannot be in good relationship with myself and the key people in my life, I’m pretty useless to my clients and readers.

But what do you think? How do you make work fit life when you spend a lot of your time on social media? Can you? If so, how do you make it work for you? What are the costs and benefits? Share your thoughts in the comments.

PS The new eBook is for newsletter subscribers only. If you want a copy, sign up here. It’ll be with you in the next week!

photo credit: gogoloopie

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I’m sure he didn’t mean it.

Indeed, what he said about me was couched in flattering language, in a flattering post on blogs to watch in 2011.

Except that I didn’t recognise myself in the description.

“A career coach.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with being a career coach. But I’m not one. At least not in the traditional sense. Maybe it wouldn’t have stung so much if I’d had less respect for its author.

“Is that really how I’m projecting myself?” I asked.

This happened late January at the end of a month during which I’d been quite ill. You might remember me writing at the time that, after a very busy 2010, I’d felt like I’d needed to get ill to slow down and reflect on my own direction and progress. What emerged from all of that was a big sense that I was neglecting something important.

In tandem, a group of my clients and people I’m professionally close to, were sharing with me that, as much as they enjoy A Different Kind Of Work, it isn’t wholly reflective of the work I do with them or how they see me.

So, the “career coach” comment was the icing on the cake. The third of three things, and I knew I had to pay attention.

And, yes, I do work with business people who’ve temporarily lost their career mojo, or are seeking to redefine their relationship with work. I’m passionate about the role work plays in supporting people feel good about bringing themselves to the world. And I am on a mission to help people find their own way to work, whatever that looks like.

And, my blogger friend was right: this is a site to watch this year. Because I’m only going to be sharpening its focus on talking to that agenda and supporting people to feel good about work.

But, the missing piece?

Well, there are people I consult with who bring issues besides work, or where work is not the dominant theme after all. A broken relationship that’s tearing their heart out. A deep personal unhappiness that’s making them feel life’s not worth living. An unmet desire – for children, perhaps – that’s cutting them in two. A problem with their body that’s getting in the way of them living – like secret binge eating and its consequences.

They tend to be smart professionals who do a good job of presenting a sorted image to the world and do very well in their business lives. But need a safe haven to come to, where they know they can reveal parts of themselves that they wouldn’t often admit elsewhere.

I love that work, and the people I do it with, just as much as I could ever love the people who work with me around career issues. And it, and they, began to feel completely underserved.

So, I decided to set up a new website that talks more to that audience. It’s been up for a few days now, but I’m formally launching it today. It’s www.christinelivingston.com – Psychology For Smart People. You’re welcome to go have a look round. It’s early days of course and there’s still more work to do. But I wanted to let you know it was there and the thinking behind it.

If the new site talks to you, go ahead and read it and share your thoughts with me there.

Meantime, I’d love to know what you’d like to see A Different Kind Of Work deliver for you now. Share your thoughts in the comments below!

photo credit: alexphotocamera

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This isn’t the post I thought I’d publish today.

That was something about the Zen of the 9-5, and keeping your head when all around are losing theirs. Driving back from my morning coffee ritual, I was hatching the story line, stopping from time to time to take happy eyefuls of verges lined with golden daffodils, and fields full of early spring lambs. What a fabulous day, I thought.

Turning on my Mac brought me to another reality. The news of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami.

Maybe it’s because it comes on the back of the recent earthquake in New Zealand, and the flooding in Australia. Maybe it’s about the sheer scale of the thing on its own. Whatever, I am again engulfed by a sense of my smallness – and indeed of all our smallness – in regard to something so huge, uncontrollable and powerful. I feel sad for the world and its people that we are victims of such suffering and devastation. I feel helpless to be able to do much beyond giving my prayers and making my credit card donation.

But the whole thing is also putting me in touch with a big feeling of gratitude for my own life.

For my beautiful, loving, ever-supportive partner.

For my family and friends.

For the gutsy, determined people with whom I work.

For my very good health and well-being.

For my home in the country and the village community that seems to be more and more welcoming.

For the daffodils, and the lambs. And spring pushing its way through after a tough winter.

For my gifts and talents, however small.

Today is reminding me that life is short and that we must never take it for granted. How is it affecting you? What is making you grateful for?

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1. What No One Tells You About Being Off Work Sick

Your precious dreams. You share them with me so sincerely. You tell me how unhappy you are about the current state of your working life. How you feel unfulfilled. Punching below your weight.

You list out your ideas for change. At times I get seduced and equate your talk with action. But weeks, months, years pass without seeing any major difference.

Of course there’s always some reason why not.

• You’re not quite clear yet on which one of your ideas to go after first.
• The economy is not the best. No-one in their right mind would rock the boat on their working lives till things get better.
• You have a bonus coming, or a stock option maturing, in another year or so, which you’d be crazy to miss.

All sensible, logical, understandable reasons on the face of things for stalling on that breakthrough.

But could something more sinister be lurking under the surface?

Fear Of Failure

“I suppose it’s fear of failure,” you tell me, smiling.

And I smile back at you and nod. That old thing, we seem to say. In the new age shorthand, we both recognise that we have something in common. Some vulnerability that allows us to relate to one another more easily. And we talk about it for a while.

I notice how tempting it is to sit here and stew in our shared weakness, allowing it to define us, like the victims of abuse often do. How it gives us plenty to talk about on the one hand. And makes sure we never move beyond it on the other.

But if you were to reach beyond the phrase, and the euphemisms that get spouted along with it, like not really fearing failure but fearing success, what would it look like? And how does it serve you to identify with the label?

As much as I want to know your answers, I feel a sudden, pressing need to get curious about my own fear of failure. I’ve been aware of it for some months now. So, how come I still haven’t cracked it? It’s that, not you, that’s really making me angry.

My coaching business, this thing about being on a mission to support people find a way to make work fit life rather than the reverse, is doing okay. I’ve built this blog to a certain level of grooviness. But the honest truth is that my ambition was always not that it do okay, but that it excel. That the blog become a business in its own right.

And I’ve done tons of work on stuff that should help me get to the next level. I’ve been studying the whole guest posting thing, and figuring I could write some cool articles for top sites that would help take my traffic to the next level again. I’ve also played with and drafted some information products to add to the site: an eBook for subscribers, a virtual workshop, and a interactive learning environment to offer a community-based life-changing experience.

But I’ve hedged.

Coaching, sure, I’m tried, tested and pro at that. But the information products that could set me apart? Who would want them? Who would buy them? What if I dared to put heart and soul into developing them and they bombed?

Would people laugh at me? See me as a complete fool for trying?

Of course all of this allows me to continue to play at being an amateur, good enough business blogger. But it also allows me to never be anything more than that.

Why am I sharing all of this? Well, first I want you to know that even the best of us hesitate, and that it’s okay.

Not Facing Up To Reality

But what’s not okay for me is thinking that that’s where it ends. Because, the insight I’m having as I write is that my fear is not just about failing. It’s about having to confront some of my own realities and limitations too. If I sit here with my dreams and do nothing beyond a certain point, well, I still have my dreams. And they can keep me cozy on tough days.

But if I dare to see my fear of failure as a call to action, I have to really dig into myself. I have to stop being ambivalent about things that matter to me. I have to focus down on the few actions that will make a real difference. I have to stretch myself to learn new skills and to express myself in different ways.

And if I’m going to fail, best I fail fast. Because that’s how I’m going to learn what will work in the longer term.

The choice is that or turning hesitation into an art form.

You and I can hesitate all we like. We can tell ourselves we haven’t yet chosen what it is we’re doing. But even in that place we’re choosing. We’re choosing to hesitate.

In that case, I’d be choosing to be an okay, also-ran sort of blogger. Is that REALLY what I’d choose for myelf?!

Hell, no.

So, I’m going to get over myself and face the music. Come with me?
photo credit: LifeSupercharger

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So, I’d started a series on recession proofing your career in 2011, planning to hit January with a blast of upbeat thought pieces for those of you determined that work be a rich and meaningful part of your life, no matter what the economy throws in our direction this year.

But then something unplanned hit me. I got the dreaded lurgy. And spent the best part of 10 days in bed feeling more blah than blah. Unheard of!

Today I’m just easing back into the online swing of things. I can’t yet say what I’ll be doing with my series. Meantime there were three big things I noticed about being off sick that I wanted to share.

The power of the indispensability myth

Like all of the high-functioning, high-achieving people I work with and write for, if I get ill, one of my primary concerns is how about I’m going to get my work done. For some days I worried both about canceling clients and about not being able to keep the blog ticking along. I had such a sense of letting people down.

But, with exhaustion pinning me to the spot and a brain like porridge, I increasingly had no option but to surrender. Still, the experience put me back in touch with the lure of the indispensability myth that I’ve talked about before. And the need for me to “take my own medicine” as one of my astute readers advised in an email.

Love heals – and more

One of the tests I was aware of putting out there in giving over to my illness was that of relationship. Would my client and online connections be strong enough to withstand a significant period of me not being around?

So, I was beyond touched by the lovely get well messages from clients, readers and folks I hang out with online. I’ve recently been writing about some of the tough and sometimes inhumane things happening in the world, especially the world of work, so to experience such genuine, positive good human feelings was brightening indeed.

Then, my friend Michael Martine, living up to his Remarkablogger brand, mailed me offering to look after the site for a while, by arranging posts from himself and others, and setting up tweets for me via Hootsuite. It felt like a big thing for me to accept, but doing so seemed to open the way for others to make similar offers. A whole magical online space-holding thing happened. Michael, thank you so much.

Thank you too El Edwards, Adrian Swinscoe, and Jen Smith for your lovely posts. I was so buoyed up by your generosity of spirit. Not only that, but the blog got some benefits too. Traffic stats are back to at least what they were before I went off. And you’ve brought some new readers, commentors, and tweeters

Genius!

Illness has purpose

You know, I write a lot about the hunger I meet in lots of you for work to be a soulful, meaningful experience. An enriching part of a rich life.

But here’s the thing, you have to have some contact with your soul to have any sense of what that really feels like. In our modern world, there’s so much stuff out there to pay attention to and do, that that inner voice can all too easily go unheard. Even if we’re a little uneasy about something, we can often use our clever minds to try to logic our way beyond it.

But I’m not so sure that’s ever the whole answer.

I also think that sometimes there’s something quite profound for us to understand about ourselves when unexpected things derail us. In my case I would rather not have had to have felt like I was dying to *get* my soul’s lesson, but as my illness abated, some things began to clarify and settle for me.

I haven’t finished processing this or bottoming it out yet. It’s a creative thing and takes its own time. Nevertheless, I’ve confronted in myself that, for a little while before I got ill, I’d just been doing too much. I’m a high octane person who lives and works with big enthusiasm. But there’s also a part of me that needs quiet time and space too. Getting ill was a sign that I’d been neglecting it and was in danger of burning out if I let it run further unchecked.

So, in getting back to work I’m not cranking into fifth gear immediately and pretending it all didn’t happen. I’m also reinstating my good practices of meditation and journalling that I’d left off for a while as I spent hours building new stuff, talking to lots of people, and doing too much gym.

What that all means now for my blog I’m not sure. I sense another shift in direction coming. Maybe I’ll put a big more Zen into it. Maybe I already have!
photo credit: anitakhart

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Do you plan and organize your life so much that you blind yourself to the opportunity in the moment?

As a business woman, who is also a creative, I have to work hard to make sure stuff happens. Bottom line, it’s how money gets made.

Still, I’d be lying if I said that this didn’t sometimes become a little addictive. I get so caught up in the thrill of ticking my own boxes that I forget just to, well, be.

Thankfully there’s also a strong rebel in me that pushes back when I become too delivery focused and forget momentarily to have fun.

That’s how it was a few weeks ago. I’d had some long days and saw a few more on the horizon when I got an invite to an impromptu supper. My initial instinct was to say no. Then the rebel kicked in, I glammed up, and went out to play.

I went with no expectation other than to enjoy an evening with nice company. I so love those dark winter’s nights and sitting round a candlelit table with kindred spirits and a few bottles of good wine.

After a few glasses I got to chatting with a bloke I hadn’t met before. He was a serial entrepreneur with a string of successful businesses behind him. Of course he asked me what I did.

Cut a long story short, it turns out that his next venture is in the realms of computer based training. As I talked to him about the plans for my business – including building an interactive learning community at some stage – it became apparent that we had huge common ground. I have the ideas; he has the technology.

Suddenly my rebellious night out had opened up the possibility of a joint venture.

Now, I don’t know where this will go. What I do know is that, if I’d stuck with my need to do stuff that evening, I wouldn’t even have been having the chance to think about it.

A lot of life and work is about putting one foot in front of the other. But sometimes we need to go off-piste. That’s where we find the magic of serendipity lurking.

photo credit: *S A N D E E P*

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Can you believe that a year ago this week I was loading a van with all my stuff and heading from my much loved house in Wimbledon, to a cottage in the Buckinghamshire countryside? (Well, technically, I wasn’t loading the van, but you get the picture.)

The whole purpose was to allow me to create my own different kind of work. I had a sense of what that would look like when I set out. But let me share with you some of the awesomeness I’m seeing from this vantage point in my transformation journey.

Why move?

That’s a question I get asked a lot. Why not just stay in London and do something new? Well, I figured that, if I was serious about creating fundamental life change, I needed to do something symbolic, to send out the message to myself, the universe and anyone else for that matter, that I meant business.

What was driving me, was a big need to create a more fun, funky and entrepreneurial way of working than I’d been used to. One that was more virtual and portable, because down the track I want to do more traveling and be flexible on where in the world I live.

Getting out of the city was a way of indicating that I was ready to break my dependence on it and to take the first steps into my more virtual lifestyle.

The benefits of the country

Listen, I’m a city girl at heart. Don’t forget that I was born and brought up in Glasgow, and besides London, have lived in Johannesburg and visited New York a lot on business. I miss the convenience of having Sainsburys and Starbucks on my doorstep, and bristle with the need to get more planned and organized about food shopping and socializing.

Still, life beats to a different rhythm in my little village. So, I feel more grounded and centered. I love that when the weather’s good (and even when it isn’t) that I can go walking in country lanes at lunch time, or just when I need a break or to re-inspire myself. I’ve become so much more aware of nature and of the seasons. I adore the pheasants and ducks and sheep and owls and moor hens and all the wonderful wild life that lives on my doorstep. When I’m working, I look out to flowers and fields and trees, where there once was traffic and passing school kids.

My energy as a result is much, much better, and with it my focus, my creativity and productivity.

Crushing a limiting belief

Before working as I do now, my business was corporate and came from referral. I had a pretty good reputation among some circles as a “go to” coach and OD consultant.

But I got bored, and had become a little cynical about the role coaching was being expected to play in some businesses. I wanted to work with smart business sorts, but with less interference. That meant learning how to pitch myself to my people directly. A scary prospect, as I had always told myself I was crap at marketing.

The truth is that, marketing as it used to look – all static websites and cold calling – doesn’t interest me. But, when I “got” that I could use social media to create relationships that allowed folks to opt in – or not – to what I had to say and offer, I suddenly became very excited about learning how to market myself that way. That’s just so much more “me”. I still have much to learn, but now I’m voraciously hungry to build on what I already know and am spurred on by how much I enjoy developing connections online.

The driving force of the blog

A key catalyst in the whole transforming me process has been this blog. As I’ve written before, I’ve always loved writing. And I’ve had a closet passion for the role work plays in creating meaning, and in being a vehicle for fundamental growth and change in people’s lives. So, it was serendipitous that I stumbled upon blogging at the time I was getting restless about wanting to be more open about all of that.

Creating the blog, and daring to decide it was going to become a significant one, meant that I had to in tandem decide that I was going to stand out and differentiate myself. I have a pretty unique skills mix and indeed take on the world of work, but I think I was afraid to put it out there because I couldn’t find a box for it. And meantime, it felt cozier to promote myself as a consultant, coach, therapist based on whomever I was talking to at the time.

Blogging, and connecting with some of the wonderful people it has opened me up to, has been fundamental in helping me find the confidence to say who I really am, and to express myself as me, not a job title. That personal learning is, in turn, fundamental to the work that I do in helping others do the same for themselves and to feel the power in that place.

The power of the Internet

Okay, so with a successful traditional career behind me, I’m not one of these phenomenal young bloggers that was born attached to her laptop. I’ve had to learn geek stuff from scratch. But I’m delighted that I was curious enough to try. Because not only has it come naturally and not only do I love it, but it has opened my eyes with a passion to the possibilities for work and life that exist in this dimension.

The diversity of my connections

I’ve always loved and done best when surrounded by all kinds of different people, and I’m delighted to say that working virtually has opened up the horizons of my little cottage to folks from across the globe. On any given day I can be chatting to friends in the UK, the US, Australia, Canada, Israel, Greece…

And geography is not the only point of difference. There’s also the amazingly different things that people do. From technology gods to marketing geniuses, from worklife protagonists to HR mavericks, from small business owners to writing magicians. All with something important to say about themselves, their lives and the things that drive them. Then, I pop down to the village pub to hear some of the trials and tribulations of the farmers trying to get the harvest in before the weather changes.

Phenomenal!

And people who don’t work this way are often cynical about the depths of connections you make or whether you can really call a Twitter friend, a friend. But I’ve made some friend and client connections online that feel as strong and enduring to me as any I’ve made offline. Signing into Twitter every morning, is like walking into a virtual office and catching up like you do in any real office. The thing is, I don’t need to be in any office to connect with the same mix of key folks every day. I can do so from wherever.

My learning and development

One of the big things to change over the last year is the way that I learn. Historically, I’ve preferred to be in a classroom with a group of people I respect and admire. I did all my coaching and therapy trainings that way.

Now, however, I’m preferring virtual learning. It’s not that I won’t pick up a book, or go to a seminar, it’s that I’m more likely to want to download an eBook, or sign up for a virtual program.

And that’s only when we’re talking about more formal stuff. Blogs and social networking sites provide endless opportunity through the content they share to get news, see fresh stuff and have my mind stimulated, or just as platforms to reach out for help, and ask questions.

It’s awesome.

The world of work is changing. I am a protagonist and thought leader in all of that and in any case have always believed that folks who teach need to be able to walk their talk. The last year has been tough at times. Taking my blog from plain vanilla Thesis theme and wondering what the hell to talk about, to having created 108 published posts on custom designed Headway, while doing client work, and developing new products has been hard work. But I’ve loved every minute. And I’m loving the life it’s giving me.

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Quit your corporate job for whatever reason and it’s not just the security of the pay check you lose.

Sure, there’s the kudos of your employer’s brand name, and your status conferring job title. But more than that there’s the loss of the whole story of who you are, the role you play and the script you enact with others.

Turn up at dinner with city sorts and introduce yourself as an Associate Lawyer for a Magic Circle firm, or a Product Manager for a Dow Jones company, and people think you’re someone. You’re character fits their map of what’s important in the world.

Go off in pursuit of your new age retreat centre, your virtual cup cake business, or your social media enterprise. Or just explain that you were made redundant in the last round of cuts, and see how people react then.

Will they get it? Will they understand what’s driving you? Will they see your value?

And do you care?

It’s a tough one, because we understand ourselves so much by the way we see ourselves reflected – or not – in other people.

But dealing with disapproval, or just downright indifference, is a vital rite of passage if we are to healthily leave the corporate theater.

My own story talks to this.

Until eleven years ago, I had big jobs for big firms. I wore the status I believed they conferred like badges of office. I drew strength and confidence from them.

I could say, I’m Christine Livingston, Human Resources Director, American Express, and people would be impressed.

I could turn up in a sharp suit and present tough messages to a Board of Directors as a Managing Consultant with Gemini Consulting and know I’d be listened to.

Leaving those personas behind to become a freelance HR/OD consultant, as I then did, and who was I? How would I distinguish myself from the thousands of others saying they did the same thing?

And was I crazy to imagine it was possible?

What made these questions even more difficult to wrestle with was other people’s reactions.

When I resigned from Gemini, my boss took me to lunch and told me I couldn’t leave.

“You’re star quality,” he said. “You’re going to go to the top of this firm. Hang in.”

When I stood my ground, he then began to question my mental health, and offered me a paid sabbatical while I sorted myself out.

Then there was the headhunter. A moment of doubt saw me, while still under notice, interview for a top Training and Development job. It was huge. I’d conned myself into imagining I might be able to have the kind of work life balance I wanted and pursue my professional interests through it. But starting to hear about the international travel requirements brought me back to reality. When I told the headhunter that I was withdrawing from the selection process and why, he was dumbfounded.

“You’re quitting a stellar corporate HR career to freelance? But why? You have no commitments; no family. Are you crazy?”

Then there was a former colleague. It wasn’t an obvious put down, but the offer of contract work, doing much more junior stuff than I was capable, delivered an ever so subtle insult.

All these things and more made me doubt myself profoundly. Maybe I was ill, crazy, less capable than I’d dared to imagine?

This was all so unexpected, confusing and immobilizing.

The breakthrough came when I began to understand that these people were voicing my own worst fears. Sure, they were expressing their opinion. But by voicing what a little part of me was secretly believing, their words cut deeply.

The moment I dared to confront my own concerns was the moment I could answer them. I owned that indeed I’d never been more clear about anything in my life; that if forgoing top jobs in order to create the space for life and relationships meant I was crazy, then crazy was good; that I was able and talented, corporation or not, and was going to own my level of ability without need of a job grading system.

My story still unfolds, but I’ll never regret choosing to write a new script. What’s holding you back from rewriting yours?
photo credit: roland

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There’s a theme at the heart of some of the very different stories I’ve heard from my people this week. It’s about wanting to be and do so much more, but holding yourself back.

You know the kind of thing I’m talking about. Not pitching for a job that’s got you written all over it because you “know” you won’t get it. Not quitting corporate life, even though your entrepreneurial sideline business is showing more than green shoots of success. Not leaving a relationship that’s well past its sell-by date, because you tell yourself there will never be another.

You’ve read all the logical advice out there.

You know that you can tick all the boxes on the spec for the big job. That your moonlighting income is trending beyond break even. That there are lots of eligible singletons on the market.

It convinces you for so long. But…

You’ve listened to the motivational gurus.

You’ve heard the ra ra that says “Just Do It! Push past yourself. Be confident, find courage, and take a leap of faith”.

It inspires you for so long. But…

And there’s always a “but”.

A primeval doubt that forces you back on yourself, that immobilizes you, that stops you from acting as powerfully as you know you can.

And which in turn mixes with fear that dissolves you, taking with it all your courage and resolve.

It’s frustrating. So frustrating. Of course this thing you’re wrestling with right now is very specific. Yet the feelings are ones you’ve known before in different guises. Always you try to tuck them away. Always they bounce back.

The theme echoed for me because it’s in my story too right now. (I gotta love how my work as coach and self-development ninja is so often the cauldron of my own growth.)

My dilemma? Daring to unveil and unmask online even more than I already have. Believing that doing so will help take my blogging business to the next level again.

Oh, I do pretty well. I know I’m well respected by a solid community of friends, followers and clients. I’ve put the leg work in. I’m proud of where I am. My blog’s currently sitting at a not-too-shabby circa 200,000 Global Alexa. And I make enough money to pay my way in life.

You might say, “Wow. Why would you want to do more?”

And sure, I could cruise here.

But, here’s the thing. I know there’s an even bigger me inside, bursting to push through, if only I will let it.

I ask myself: “Who am I to dare to believe I could touch more people; influence more broadly?” I compare myself to others I perceive as having cracked it and find myself falling short. Jon Morrow’s magic; Johnny B Truant’s humor; Naomi Dunford’s razor sharpness.

In my own mind I play small to their bigness. I am perpetual apprentice to their mastery.

What if I took back my projections and broke through my own glass ceiling?

And I think of the other times in my life that I’ve pushed through growth points despite fear and doubt. The time I knew I had to jump from my prestigious career to self-employment, despite no savings to fall back on. The time I so wanted to accept a loving man’s invitation despite being one very scalded cat. The time I intuited I had to take my business in a very different direction, despite years of successful self-employment.

How did I get past my fears at these points. How did I quell my doubts?

You might be expecting me to say something crass like I kicked them into touch. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I befriended them. Shit, I became their goddamn mother.

A slight digression, but I was thinking there of how it is for my little nephew when he gets frightened about something.

Some years ago, when he was only three or four, he was staying with me at Halloween. He loved the pumpkin lantern making, and the orange flashing decoration lamps I’d found to hang on Eric the rubber plant. But when we opened the door to some older kids, who’d come round Trick-or -Treating in full ghoulish costume, he totally freaked and ran away.

What drew him back, enough to dare to look the kids in the eye and share a laugh, was me holding him tightly, calming him down, and convincing him we were going to look at these scary monsters together.

One of the things I most dislike about some pop coaching stuff is that it encourages you to disown bits of you that you don’ t like and would rather not look at. With enough logic and motivation, it suggests, anything can be overcome.

I disagree.

The thing that has always stopped me moving forward is the screaming kid inside that’s so totally spooked by the unknown that it just will not budge.

To shoot for the stars you need to take your kid by the hand and figure out what it needs in order to feel safe enough to even try.

Sure, there will be practical things. Is your resume the best it can be? Are you confident your price points are market sensitive? Have you got a great divorce lawyer onboard and do you know your rights?

Inspirational stuff has its place too. Of course you need determination, tenacity and sheer balls to push through.

But don’t discount what you need emotionally. Take support from knowing that loving people are right behind you. Take all the positive strokes you can. But understand, own, and take strength from your fears and doubts. They are telling you that the faces at the door of your current challenge are scary. Gather them up, calm them down, and look the monster in the eye.

That’s when the transformation happens. That’s when you’ll feel your fear and doubts become excitement, enabling you to move beyond yourself and fly.

What’s spooking you at the moment? What do you need to find in yourself to go ahead with your ambitions?

photo credit: shesarii

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