I’ve been reading an article over on Mashable about Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, and how she leaves the office at 5.30pm every night, and has done since having children.
She says,
”I did that when I was at Google, I did that here, and I would say it’s not until the last year, two years that I’m brave enough to talk about it publicly.”
She goes on:
“I was showing everyone I worked for that I worked just as hard. I was getting up earlier to make sure they saw my emails at 5:30, staying up later to make sure they saw my emails late. But now I’m much more confident in where I am and so I’m able to say, ‘Hey! I am leaving work at 5:30.’”
The emphases, by the way, are mine.
Now, I applaud Sheryl’s example. I think there are few visible role models of people who successfully rock the work life mix, and she’s putting herself out there as being one.
But what she said made me ponder a couple of things.
Is worklife balance really just for people who’ve made it?
Sheryl Sandberg is a successful woman by anyone’s standards.
And yet even she has had to get to a meteoric place in her career before it has been okay for her to come out about the fact that she’s managing her work around her life.
What does that say about those in less high-powered roles, or at earlier stages of their careers? Do different rules apply? Are they destined to put work before life until they’ve somehow earned the right to some kind of balance?
Is worklife balance really just for parents?
At the end of the video she says:
“And I hope that means other women and men – importantly, and men – feel comfortable going home to see their kids.”
So, worklife balance is just about children then, is it? What about the millions of single people in work who don’t have children to go home to?
How would it be for them to leave the office at 5.30 of an evening, and to have a life without having to defend it or justify it to anyone?
Who decides legitimacy?
And while we’re here, there’s a horrible habit of blaming employers for creating cultures from which there appears to be no escape. Like they make us sit there till 8pm each night.
Well maybe they do, and of course they have responsibility for creating the corporate cultures of their businesses.
But we’re part of those culture ourselves, and have a role in either fitting in and meeting the unwritten expectations.
Or in making things different for ourselves.
And it’s that bit that I think Sheryl has modelled very well. Irrespective of her level, or the fact that her main go-home driver is her children and her wish to be with them. What she has done is decide that both her life and her job are important to her, and she’s put down some boundaries for herself that allow her to achieve that.
Such good points Christine. I have chosen not to have children and create a balanced life. Its working well but I had one job where it really was only people with children that were given priority for flexible working. Someone even shared a story with me about a woman who made up (she had fake pictures and everything!) that she had children because of the environment she worked in.
On another point, what you say about being ‘made’ to stay late is important. We have to be willing to assert ourselves and say what we need too.
That’s an incredible story about the woman who invented children because of where she was working!
Like you, I’ve worked for an organisation who prioritised parents when it came to worklife stuff. It was a consulting firm, and they tried where they could to staff parents onto projects where they could get home to their families of an evening. Meaning that those of us who didn’t have children and/or were single were staffed on the projects in less convenient locations. I was single at the time and did wonder how I was ever meant to meet someone if all I was ever doing was working. I did use to challenge them on this, but they would look at me like I’d said something in a foreign language!!
I think part of the unconscious mindset around all of this stuff is that “we have no right…” But we do, and as you say, we have to be assertive in taking what we need too.
Twitter: MaxBeggelman
says:
I’m not sure how fair it is to expect workers to change this on their own. While workers certainly do play a part in workplace culture, it’s employers who ultimately shape that culture with incentives and expectations. Not everyone is in a high enough position that they can cut back on hours without worrying about jeopardizing their future at that company.
As for workers with children vs workers without, the difference is in who is expected to benefit. If a single worker goes home to relax or indulge in hobbies after work, or even to spend time with a spouse or significant other, it’s seen as a “selfish” act the worker is taking for their own benefit, so people are less inclined to cut them some slack.
If someone wants to leave at 5pm to go watch your kid’s ball game, however, people focus on the benefit to the child, so it’s not seen as “selfish” – it’s perceived that they’re doing it for their kids, not for themselves. It’s just another part of the culture in which workers aren’t expected to have a life of their own; even when they’re allowed some time out of the workplace, it’s to devote their time to others.
I think that’s an excellent point, Max, about who is expected to benefit from time away from the office. If it’s “for someone else” it does seem to carry much more weight. Looking like we just want to have a life (heaven forbid!) can be seen as selfish or odd. (Believe me, I have been there, with consulting bosses asking me “what is your problem?” when I announced at 6pm of an evening I was going home or to the gym.)
And I don’t expect workers to change this situation on their own. But I do think, especially if we’re talking about “contractual hours” versus “a culture of long hours”, that people have their part to play in managing some of their personal boundaries. It’s a rare business that gives its people permission to have a life. And in the absence of permission from bosses or whomever, if we really do want to have a life, we have to create at least little pockets of it ourselves.
Twitter: career_journey
says:
I think that something else needs to be factored in. Yes those with kids (got a two year old myself) are forced to have these types of hours. They need to care for the kids, pick them up from nursery etc and maybe like Max indicate this is accepted because it is not selfish. However I talk to a lot of people who during their probation forget to set boundaries and expectations with their new employer. After 6 months it is going to be hard to stop staying late because you have made this acceptable for yourself and your employer will happily take the extra hours.
I think that if new employees set these boundaries from the start regardless if they have kids they won’t run into this issue. Furthermore one should research a companies culture before going into business.
Nik
Nik´s last [type] ..Returning to work after maternity leave
Thanks for the comment, Nik.
You make a great point here about setting boundaries right from the beginning. I think a lot of people, particularly in today’s economic climate, think they’ve got to put the hours in up front before they can “earn the right” to set their own terms. But what this often translates as doing it all on other people’s terms rather than their own. Finding a good balance of what’s right for you and for the business you work in is vital.