The Cult Of The Working Dead (And How To Escape It)

April 15, 2011 by 8 Comments

It’s easily done.

Start out in life so energetic and full of great ideas.

Then find yourself in a career, a job, a way of life to which you’ve given over your ability to think.

Hard to say how or when it happened. And if you look back it was probably not just one event but a process of clever and subtle brainwashing techniques that knocked you out. Whatever, the orthodoxy of the normal life became so compelling that you sacrificed yourself to it, heart and mind.

Now, days, weeks, months pass by, almost without you really noticing.

It alarms you, in your brief moments of lucidity, to consider that you may be under the spell of something that’s not working for you. And you’d rather brush off the feelings of doubt you have about some of the rituals the cult demands you practice.

  • Tolerating Vampire Bosses because you need them to remind you of your place in the great cult order of things.
  • Sitting through brain-numbing meetings all day long and beginning your day-job at 6pm, even though it means missing out on family time, friendships and hobbies.
  • Knowing that a business decision is crazy but implementing it anyway, because you want to see your stock option vest, or your bonus paid out, or your retirement plan come to fruition.

For the most part you don’t question. You can’t. You are so entangled in the cult that it’s hard to know where you’d start to get clear without unraveling, or creating career suicide. All your friends are cult members. You understand life through its teachings. You’ve even begun to channel its ethos to your children and anyone else who will listen to you.

The Hazards

But at times you know that it’s not a life at all. That it’s a death. And you feel the exhaustion in yourself.

Sure, it may be okay for you that the cult has your soul. But if you’re not careful, it’ll take more from you than that.

It can take your psychological well-being.

One person I worked with was so ritualistically diminished by her boss that in the end she had a breakdown and quit her job. Unable to work for some time, she lost considerable income. Her lifestyle was impacted big time. When she did get back in the saddle of looking for something else, she then faced the challenge of recruiters being suspicious about the circumstances that had led to her leaving her old firm. Which in turn affected her self-confidence in a tough recruitment market.

It can kill your relationship.

Consider the guy I worked with some years ago. 42 going on 62 and morbidly obese, he was putting in 18 hour days with no regard for anything other than work. He may have continued indefinitely, but it was the shock of his wife’s decision to move out of their family home that cracked him.

Only then did he understand the impact of his lack of consciousness. But it was too late to save his marriage.

Or, it can kill you.

For another high-flier an aggressive tumour brought her to a choice point. To wake up to the damage that cult working was doing to her, or die? Choosing the former, she breathed new life into dreams, hopes and plans she’d shelved years before, and transformed her working style. She remains well, but the threat of the cancer returning keeps her alert.

Knowing Who You Are

So much of waking up, and deciding to have a life, begins with choosing to understand who you are and honoring yourself.

A good starting point is to consider your values.

You may hear the cult talk about values – the term is bandied about enough in business. But do you really know what values are? And do you know what they are for you?

Think about it.

What are the things that, when you support and allow them, make you feel most alive?

What things, when ignored, make you feel angry, sad, disappointed or crushed?

These are your personal values. They say a lot about who you are. Not who the cult tells you you should be. They talk to the essence of you.

(And, by the way, this is something I’m talking about more in my forthcoming eBook, to be shared exclusively with folks on my mailing list. If you’re not already on it, sign up here to make sure you don’t miss out.)

Knowing your values can help guide your actions and decisions, big and small.

  • If RESULTS is a key value and the cult wants you just to keep plodding on, doing what you’re doing, watch out.
  • If FREEDOM is one of your values and the cult insists that you follow a set process of doing things, you are in danger.
  • And, if INTEGRITY is one of yours, and the cult wants you to go along with unethical practices, well….

Choice

Recovering from the cult of the working dead means choosing to act more and more in a way that’s congruent with your values. The more you do this, the more clued up you’ll get about what’s right and wrong for you.

You’ll begin to notice that, when the cult would rather you did things that conflict with your values, you feel a tightening in your chest, or the onset of boredom, or the desire to punch someone.

Next time that happens, don’t swallow your anger, reach for a burger, or wait and explode at your other half when you get home. See it as a piece of information from your strengthening psyche.

And decide that you will or won’t act. Either way, just realising that you have decision-making power allows you to gain ground on the mindlessness around you.

One of the most insidious aspects of the cult of the working dead is the infiltration of the belief that there’s no choice in the matter.

But there is always choice. Live or die. Which one are you choosing?

Creative Commons License photo credit: gabrielsaldana

Filed Under: Corporate jobs, Thriving @ work Tagged With: , , ,

How An Innocent Compliment Led To A Radical Rethink

April 11, 2011 by 10 Comments

I’m sure he didn’t mean it.

Indeed, what he said about me was couched in flattering language, in a flattering post on blogs to watch in 2011.

Except that I didn’t recognise myself in the description.

“A career coach.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with being a career coach. But I’m not one. At least not in the traditional sense. Maybe it wouldn’t have stung so much if I’d had less respect for its author.

“Is that really how I’m projecting myself?” I asked.

This happened late January at the end of a month during which I’d been quite ill. You might remember me writing at the time that, after a very busy 2010, I’d felt like I’d needed to get ill to slow down and reflect on my own direction and progress. What emerged from all of that was a big sense that I was neglecting something important.

In tandem, a group of my clients and people I’m professionally close to, were sharing with me that, as much as they enjoy A Different Kind Of Work, it isn’t wholly reflective of the work I do with them or how they see me.

So, the “career coach” comment was the icing on the cake. The third of three things, and I knew I had to pay attention.

And, yes, I do work with business people who’ve temporarily lost their career mojo, or are seeking to redefine their relationship with work. I’m passionate about the role work plays in supporting people feel good about bringing themselves to the world. And I am on a mission to help people find their own way to work, whatever that looks like.

And, my blogger friend was right: this is a site to watch this year. Because I’m only going to be sharpening its focus on talking to that agenda and supporting people to feel good about work.

But, the missing piece?

Well, there are people I consult with who bring issues besides work, or where work is not the dominant theme after all. A broken relationship that’s tearing their heart out. A deep personal unhappiness that’s making them feel life’s not worth living. An unmet desire – for children, perhaps – that’s cutting them in two. A problem with their body that’s getting in the way of them living – like secret binge eating and its consequences.

They tend to be smart professionals who do a good job of presenting a sorted image to the world and do very well in their business lives. But need a safe haven to come to, where they know they can reveal parts of themselves that they wouldn’t often admit elsewhere.

I love that work, and the people I do it with, just as much as I could ever love the people who work with me around career issues. And it, and they, began to feel completely underserved.

So, I decided to set up a new website that talks more to that audience. It’s been up for a few days now, but I’m formally launching it today. It’s www.christinelivingston.com – Psychology For Smart People. You’re welcome to go have a look round. It’s early days of course and there’s still more work to do. But I wanted to let you know it was there and the thinking behind it.

If the new site talks to you, go ahead and read it and share your thoughts with me there.

Meantime, I’d love to know what you’d like to see A Different Kind Of Work deliver for you now. Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Creative Commons License photo credit: alexphotocamera

Filed Under: Self Development Tagged With: , , ,

How To Swing An Internal Job Move When Your Boss Really Wants You To Stay Put

April 8, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Winter SwingHats off to you.

You’ve managed to hold on to your job through countless rounds of redundancies and reorganisations. And what you’re doing has become so much more mission critical to your boss as a result.

But you’ve got other ideas.

As relieved and flattered as you are, you just don’t want to keep doing the same thing. You’re ready to learn new stuff and take on new challenges. Everything you’ve ever understood leads you to believe that should be possible by making an internal move in your current firm.

Good bosses and good HR will take account of your personal development plans in the whole staffing mix.

But the reality is that most bosses aren’t that good. Many don’t think big picture. Or see that supporting your development reflects well on them. Or recognize that helping you move to another internal job, is a way of keeping you engaged with the business. Instead, they prefer to cling on to their own good resource.

And many HR departments lack the power or influence to make it different.

So, if you want to stay with your current firm, but move to another area, you’re going to have to adopt a little cunning in making it happen for yourself.

Networks

You may be brilliant at what you do and feel that you’ve given so much to your company that they should now play fair with you.

But, as Nick Clegg’s gaff yesterday highlighted, so much professional mobility is less about having success conferred upon you, and more about who you know. Or, more importantly, who knows you.

Think about it. Where do you want to move to? Who are the decision makers in that area?And how well do they know you?

If a job came up in their area, would they be soliciting HR’s opinion about how to get you released from your current area?

That’s kind of the situation you want to be aiming to engender.

How you do so is to find legitimate ways to network with them. And with the people who in turn influence them.

Advocacy

Notice that I said “legitimate” ways to interact.

What that doesn’t mean is approaching prospective bosses out of the blue and asking if they’ve got a job in their team. They get approaches for jobs every day and if you’re an unknown name or entity to them, they’re just going to brush you off. And you’ll have lost your chance.

Instead, you have to take to their table something that simultaneously show-cases you, and is of great value to them.

Volunteer yourself to be the member of a project they are leading and knock their socks off with your content knowledge, sparkling point of view, and action list follow through.

Find something that is mission critical to their business, and go share it with them. A leading edge piece of technical content that you’ve helped to craft. A game-changing piece of information on a client you both provide a service to.

But be yourself in the process too. Don’t make it look like you’re trying. Engage socially. You want to build real relationships with these folk whose radar screen you’re intent on crashing. After all, if one of them becomes a new boss, you want to have a good connection, right?

Transparency

Of course, the last thing you want to do is to be subversive or be seen as having gone behind your current bosses back in these things.

I always adopt the ethos that it’s always better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. So, tell her what you’re up to for information sharing purposes.

You might rattle her cage, but you’re sure going to rattle it anyway if an internal offer comes without her suspecting anything about it. Or you get so fed up with her blocking you that you leave. So, a little controlled rattling can be a useful part of the process.

This kind of approach takes time and involves a lot of work from you. But if you’re determined to support your own development, you can make it work for you.

What about you?

Are you being blocked by a clingy boss? What have you tried doing to escape? What has and hasn’t worked? Share your experiences here!

Creative Commons License photo credit: TheChinaMan


Filed Under: Corporate jobs, Thriving @ work Tagged With: , , ,

5 Warning Signs That You’re Accepting The Wrong Job (And How Not To)

April 4, 2011 by 4 Comments

It’s tempting.

That call out of the blue seems to promise so much. Just the kind of thing you’ve been dreaming of. Prestigious company for someone in your profession. Signs that they’re going places and could take you with them.

It’s like the unexpected date after months of romantic drought. And you’re feeling pretty proud of your interview performance and how you’ve navigated your way through successive stages of the recruitment process.

So, when the offer comes, should you accept it?

Here are 5 warning signs to wrestle with:

  1. You’re feeling flattered. Recruiters can boost your ego. It’s part of the recruitment game, after all. If people want you to come join them, they’ll often flirt you into accepting. Some degree of flattery is normal. But does the flatterer have the depth to deliver a lasting relationship after the contract has been signed?
  2. You’re imagining how jealous your friends will be. You’re buoyed up by the job title, the benefits and the salary level. You think about how your peers will turn green with envy when you tell them what you’ve just landed. But does the job enable the conditions that make it happy to live in ten or more hours a day?
  3. You’re figuring how impressed your family will be. You’re reckoning how delighted your partner, or parents will be when you tell them you’ve got the job. But, are you doing it for them or you, and does the content of the job have enough to feed your own soul in the long term?
  4. You’re investing a lot in the job’s security. Maybe times have been tough in your current job. Or maybe you’ve had a spell of being out of work. It’s so tempting to feel that a job – any job – will help you feel more settled. But can this one really give you that?
  5. You’re discounting things that jarred with you at interview. The boss who was 20 minutes late in interviewing you; the talk of the work hard, play hard culture; the fact that the commute took half an hour longer than you’d imagined – and that wasn’t at rush hour. What do these signs mean for how the job and it’s people will gel with you long term?

The dating analogy is a good one because, as with love relationships, you need to be sure that you’re doing as much selecting of your suitors as they of you. Otherwise, you’re not setting things up for happiness and success.

Here are a couple of things to ensure you play a powerful part of your own decision making process.

Ask yourself what YOU need

Step back from the recruitment flirting that’s going on and figure what outcomes you want to deliver from your next job? What does good and healthy need to look like?

Maybe it’s to make a certain amount of money over a particular period of time?

Maybe it’s the opportunity to take your work in a different direction?

Maybe it’s a chance to build on and develop further skills you already have?

Is the job that’s on the table going to deliver any or all of your “success factors”?

Revisit your values

For a job offer to have integrity with who you are, and for you to feel good about it long after the recruitment stage, you need it to resonate with your personal values. So, take a moment and list these out for yourself.

What are they? Family? Wealth? Results? Excellence? Health? And how does the job offer on the table allow you to honor these – or not?

Is there any negotiating you can do to close any values gaps?

If you’re lucky, sometimes you’ll do this kind of analysis and find that, after all the job offer is a good fit with you.

Maybe it’s not. In which case the challenge is to understand something of why you were hooked in this instance. And what you can learn from the experience to carry with you positively into the next recruiting scenario.

Either way, the best decision about that job offer, will come when you use a smart integration of head and heart.

How about you? Can you think of other warning signs? Or other powerful ways to check out that you’re not conning yourself into the career equivalent of a bad marriage?

Creative Commons License photo credit: pheezy

Filed Under: Thriving @ work Tagged With: , ,

What I Learned From My First HR Manager Job (And How I Still Use It Today)

April 1, 2011 by Leave a Comment

My friend Peter Hros said to me, “it’ll be therapeutic”, and he was right.

I suppose some people get enticed into writing by the thought of whomever will read their work. In my case, the prospect of learning something new about myself was appealing enough to accept Peter’s invitation to guest post for him.

Today, he has published the result. He calls it From HR Toddler To Here And Now. It’s a retrospective look at my first serious HR job and the challenges it threw up for me. I had fun with the whole process of writing it, and allowing myself to discover the insights it gave me. I share these at the end of the article.

So, I’d love it if you’d leap across to his site and read it. Then share there with Peter and I any reflections the post raises for you.

I’ll be back here on Monday with another post. Meantime, have a great weekend.

Filed Under: Corporate jobs Tagged With: ,