How To Use Gratitude To Make Your Christmas Rock

December 21, 2010 by 18 Comments

What is it about Christmas that can leave us all feeling so wrung out? The stress of making sure we have presents for everyone; that no-one is forgotten from our card list; that we’ve got all the ingredients in the fridge and cupboard to delight our houseful of guests; that we’ve enough money in our bank accounts, or credit cards to pay for it all?

That we’ll get to travel in the worst of snowy conditions?

So much for peace on earth.

Instead of obsessing about creating your own myth of the perfect Christmas – which, let’s face it, will only leave you disappointed – why not be present to the moment, and enjoy the Christmas you’re having instead?

One of the best ways to snap out of the frenzy is to stop everything you’re doing for a moment and to take stock of all that you’re grateful for.

This year I’m grateful for lots

In the face of a stuttering economy, I have had a steady supply of work, and some awesome clients. I can’t name you, but you know who you are. I love that when you work with me, you turn up to the work and that between us magical stuff happens. For the pleasure of being with you and watching you grow I am grateful.

For the energy I’ve had to keep developing this blog and for the readers who’ve come to it time and time again, I am grateful. Your presence has helped it grow. Your on- and off-line input and feedback has helped shape it.

For my fellow bloggers whose friendship and support I’ve valued for itself, and in the marketing and techie aspects of the site, I am grateful.

2010 has been a good year.

Gratitude rocks

Gratitude brings us back to ourselves; to what’s important. In being grateful our focus shifts from what we don’t have, or what’s not right, to what we do have and what is just fine. Gratitude energizes us, it allows us to sparkle and to zing. It’s part of the real magic of Christmas.

So, if you’re feeling stressed out over this festive time, remember to pay attention to what’s good in your life and give thanks for it. Engage gratitude to make your Christmas rock.

On that note, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. The site’s taking a break over the holidays, but will be back early New Year.

Photo credit: Steven Durbin Photography

Filed Under: Inner work, Self Development, Work and life Tagged With: , ,

How Finding Your Ideal Job Is Like Finding Your Soul Mate

December 17, 2010 by 6 Comments

The news on jobs – at least here in the UK – just seems to get worse. Yesterday The Guardian shared news of how 100,000 public sector folks will be put on notice of redundancy over the Christmas period. It’s the last in a long line of announcements about job losses, and there’s a real fear in many camps that the opportunities that once existed for work and career development are closing down.

However, by stunning contrast, I also recently came across a great campaign being run by Monster, the global online recruitment machine. It’s message talks to and challenges that big concern by showing how, even in a challenging economy, people are still finding and allowing themselves to do meaningful work. Of course, choosing the tactic of talking to a current deep psychological angst is a great way for Monster to differentiate itself in the market. Nevertheless I think their upbeat and ballsy approach is pretty inspiring.

And I wanted to share one little piece of it with you. Browsing through their advertising blurb, I came across this video of Greg Drevenstedt. He found his job as Road Test Editor for Rider Magazine via Monster. There was something of what he portrays in this clip that just jives with my whole philosophy.

Maybe it’s the way that it shows how magically Greg’s skills and talents of research and writing have weaved together with his passion for motorcycling to create the perfect job for him.

Or maybe it’s what he says about loving his work:

“It’s like having a soul mate… well, you can also have a soul mate in terms of a job.”

I know that a lot of you will use the next couple of weeks to reflect on what you do or don’t do for a living; how you can better match your efforts to your interests and make money in the process. And I wanted to share this little jewel with you as a little piece of inspiration that, despite the gloom, the soul can find its own way into amazing work.

Let me know what you think in the comments below!

Filed Under: Self Development Tagged With: , ,

How To Make This Your Last Ever Bad Day At Work

December 15, 2010 by 7 Comments

Do you confuse what you do for a living with who you are as a person, so that when something bad happens at work it affects the whole of your life? This is a theme that has come up in my work this week, and one I thought I’d share with you.

My people are hardcore professionals. You not only care about having a great career, but want to feel good about your life too. But because what you do for a living is such a fundamental pillar of how you understand yourself, you sometimes get work and you mixed up.

You know how it is. You have a poor trading day; you get critical feedback from your managing partner; you lose a client you’d expected to secure; your business’s blog traffic tanks. But you don’t see these things in isolation.They take on a blackness for you that pervades your whole life.

You take your misery home with you and brood on it. You tell yourself you were never cut out to be a trader, lawyer, sales director or online marketer. Feeling shit pervades your whole being. You sulk in front of the television, cancel some social thing, skip gym and eat more ice cream than you’d planned.

If imperfect things happen, you must be fundamentally imperfect.

It’s a mindset that can make you feel miserable, and in some instances lead to a scenario where work takes more of a priority in life than it should, as you strive for the kind of imagined excellence that will allow you to feel good about yourself. But that’s an illusion, my friend, as you keep upping the ante on yourself to achieve more and better.

The solution? Uncouple these two things. Know that you and your performance are different and need different things. You need your support and understanding. Your performance needs skills, feedback, learning, practice and improvement. You endure for the long term. Performance is more focused, can and will change over time.

Next time you begin to feel that a bad day at work threatens to overwhelm you, catch the thought in its tracks. Realize that you can separate it from who you are. Instead of allowing whatever it is to sink you, recognize you have a choice. Hold it away from you. See it as a piece of information, feedback, something you can do something about. Put yourself to the task of figuring out what that is. And then, get out there and enjoy your evening anyway!

Does this ring bells for you at all? How do you mix up who you are with what you do and with what results? How can you support yourself to separate these things out?

Creative Commons License photo credit: Symic

Filed Under: Corporate jobs, Self Development Tagged With: , ,

The Shocking Truth About Corporations

December 13, 2010 by 25 Comments

Big business’s lack of respect for people came home to me yet again this weekend, when an invoice I’d submitted to a company for a piece of executive coaching was returned unpaid three months after it was raised. I’d made a small, but apparently significant error in addressing it.

The whole thing angered and saddened me for several reasons.

First, I have a good and long-standing relationship with the person sponsoring the coaching, and indeed now too with the direct client.

Second, I’ve done the work in good faith of the invoice being paid, recognizing payment cycles and all that good stuff.

Not only that but, third, I’ve almost completed the program and am well on my way to delivering the contracted coaching benefits.

You might, like me, imagine that some friendly purchasing person could have emailed or called before now to highlight the error.

“Hey, Christine, instead of putting the brand name on the invoice, you need to use the company’s legal name.”

But no.

Instead, three months later, I get a standard “reject” letter by post from the foreign country dealing with their payment systems. The letter has a list of possible misdemeanors, and a cross indicating mine. There’s no name or personal contact details. No individual taking responsibility for so belatedly telling me the process. A faceless machine has just chucked me out and used my error, it feels, as an excuse to hang on to its money for another couple months.

For a moment I was gutted.

Then I decided, in the spirit of being a good professional coach, both to reframe the experience and indeed to use it as a bit of evidence about the corporate system itself.

If I chose to, I could have felt both unimportant, and that my work was not valued. Neither of these are true.

And still, I wonder how many times my people who work in this and other similar corporate systems feel unimportant and not valued, because that’s what the system sets up.

I had expected, because of the quality of the relationships I have with the individuals here, that the company would care. I had been nurturing a fantasy that, because I had played fair, the company would play fair with me.

And I ask myself how often my people imagine that, if they play fair, the company will reciprocate. When it cannot.

It reminded me of how often we expect companies, because they are set up as personalities in their own respect, to have a heart and to feel on our behalf. But how, in fact, their whole raison d’être has no place for everyday human feelings.

The Shocking Truth About Corporations

In law, they exist for two reasons. First, to return a profit to shareholders; and second, to continue to exist come what may. They will do whatever they need to do to achieve these ends. If that means crapping on people and other stakeholders – in this case a supplier like me – that’s what they’ll do.

They have no soul.

In a scenario where money is tight and times are tough their ways of achieving their ends only get more ruthless. And the people in the system have to cope with the emotional fall-out. It’s difficult sometimes, even on the outside, not to take it on, and to maintain one’s own sense of perspective and equilibrium.

You might imagine that this would make me less interested in working with individuals that work for big companies. In fact it does the opposite. My people are by and large business people. But they have hearts and souls and want a life too. I work hard to empower them to have both.

Creative Commons License photo credit: Marcin Wichary

Filed Under: Corporate jobs, Thriving @ work Tagged With: ,

How Not To Make An Arse Of Yourself At The Office Party

December 10, 2010 by 9 Comments

What is it about Christmas that encourages us to go wild at office parties and end up making complete idiots of ourselves?

Year-end pressure boiling over?

The company’s party budget crying out to be indulged to the max?

I’m sure I don’t know. But there’s something about this time of year that allows us to drop barriers we’d otherwise keep intact. And I often get one or two contrite souls coming to me afterwards, regretful for something they got up to while under the influence. And wondering what they need to do to redeem themselves.

You’ve been there, right? Something crazy and hysterical at the time loses its sparkle in the cold light of the following morning.

Being overheard by the MD making a scathing joke about his comb-over. Ahead of getting his approval for some major spend you were hoping for.

Feeling like Robbie Williams as you do that karaoke song, but looking like an X Factor reject when you see it played back on video by your PA on YouTube the next day.

Missing a massive client meeting because of alcohol-induced over-sleeping.

Shagging Bob in finance who you’ve lusted after all year, only to find it was a complete disappointment.

Now, you might be expecting me to give you some wise words about how to avoid these things.

I’m not going to.

Been there. Done that. So I’m not about to prevent others having the same kind of blast.

Besides the answer to the problem doesn’t lie in avoidance.  My take is that, if you’re going to go wild, you should go wild. But just know that it has consequences.

On the upside too, as much as boundaries are down this time of year, acceptance and forgiveness are up. So, if you do something embarrassing, laugh it off while the spirit of Christmas is still erring in your favor and get over yourself. You’ve got a good 12 months to regain face before your next moment of office party madness.

Creative Commons License photo credit: Commonorgarden

Filed Under: Thriving @ work Tagged With: ,

How To Keep Smiling At Work When You’re Dying Inside

December 8, 2010 by 10 Comments

BarLv
Creative Commons License photo credit: Symic

You struggle into work one morning but you’re this pent up source of uninvited yuckiness. It feels like the world and her handbags have taken up residence on your shoulders overnight and even the colours around you look greyer and less inviting. You know you shouldn’t feel like this, you have everything going for you, but still you just want to find the nearest loo and ball your eyes out.

Or maybe that’s not you today. If today is one bout of glorious sunshine then awesome, enjoy it while it lasts. But remember this post and come back when you’re having an off day and see if one of these five little nuggets can help you out.

Know that you’re not alone

It’s not something we tend to shout from the rooftops but everyone has days like today. Too often when someone asks us how we are, we just nod along and give the parrot answer because, all too often, ‘how are you?’ is used like a greeting. The person asking you how you are doesn’t really want to hear about the gloom. They’re just following a pattern that society has said we should dance to.

But know this. However you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Take a look around you. If you were given the power to read minds for just a few short moments, aside from having a giggle, you’d realise just how not alone you really are. It might not make the gloom lift any quicker but it should certainly help silence that critic in your head!

This too shall pass

When it feels a baby elephant is trying to squeeze herself into your head it’s really isn’t fun! You might feel like you’ll never smile again, that you’re destined to a lifetime of waterproof mascara and puffy eyes. But if you’re honest with yourself, you know that this just isn’t true. It can feel pretty crappy but, thankfully, it really is only for a time. Just knowing that this gloom won’t last forever can be hugely reassuring. You’re not going mad. You will smile again. Just hang in there honey.

Be like a zebra

Have you ever seen a zebra give birth? Nope, me neither. But I’m told that even between painful contractions, the zebra can be seen grazing on her favourite patch of grass. Take it from one who’s had three babies via the regular exit that, as much as I love eating, it wasn’t top on my list of priorities those days. The zebra will focus on each contraction as it comes and then just chill out until the next one. Not us ladies. What do we do? Worry and fret just a little bit about how painful the next one will be. (And rightly so. It bloody hurts!)

And just how relevant is this to you today? Very actually. How much easier would it be to survive on a day like today if we could just switch off our brains and go with the flow a little?  Instead of thinking about whatever situation has led to us feeling terrible today, instead of analysing it and playing it over in our wonderfully brilliant minds, how about we switch off and just let it be?

Talk

Having just suggested we switch off, this might seem like contradictory advice and you’re right. It is. There’s a time to switch off, put our heads down and just focus on getting through the day but there’s also a time to talk. Us ladies need to talk. It’s how we process the stuff that we’re having to deal with and the love and empathy we can get from talking to a friend does wonders.

But how often do we bury the hard stuff deep inside our souls, thinking that no one else could possibly understand what we’re going through? In truth, your friends will not always totally understand. There will be times when the stuff going on with you is too close and personal to talk about it in very specific terms. But getting some of this stuff out there is a lot more healthy than trying to store it all in your brain. Open up. Trust a little. You’ll be glad you did.

Fake it

This is the ultimate how to tip that always works wonders. How can you keep smiling when you’re dying inside? Fake it. Put that smile on your face. Force it to reach your eyes. Go on, try it right now. And then do it again. And again. Your wonderful brain is ace, we both know that. But there are times when it’s too clever for its own good and guess what, this can be used to our advantage.

Your lovely brain can’t tell the difference between real, heart-felt smiles and fake ones. Both do magic stuff and send happy chemicals whizzing around your body. Guess what these fabulous happy chemicals do? They’ll turn those fake smiles to real ones. Sure, it’ll take a little longer to kick in when you’re faking it but trust your brain. It won’t let you down. Kick in they will and before you know it you’ll be smiling for real.

But now it’s over to you. What do you do when you need to lift the gloom? Have you tried any of these tricks and what happened when you did?

El is the smiley face of Heaven and El and UK charity Give A Brick. She spends her days writing stuff to make you smile, inspiring people to share their awesome selves with the world and building nifty looking websites. Say hello to her on Twitter or subscribe to RSS feed but whatever else you do, smile. It’s El’s favourite currency.

Filed Under: Thriving @ work Tagged With: , ,

Stop Making Excuses Already!

December 6, 2010 by 7 Comments

Those people who aren’t prepared to take step one, never take step two. Zig Ziglar

So you’ve decided you want to make a change to your life. You’ve decided that after all this time of working for ‘the man’ and being down trodden, you’re going to do this whole ‘creating your perfect life’ thing. You know what you want and you have a vague idea about how you’ll produce the results.

But you don’t do it.

You don’t leave that job. You don’t make that break. You don’t start something new. You just sit there, doing nothing.

To make it worse you’ve now been stuck in this limbo for so long you’re becoming bitter to those around you who are making the jump and you’ve started to make excuses for your lack of momentum. Do yourself a favour, if you don’t have the balls to do this yet, don’t bitch and moan at others who do.

I worked with a guy once, who wanted to be a model. He’d had interest from agencies and stuff and was keen to get going but he was staying stuck. He had lots of opportunities to do it and make the dream actually happen but he took none of them. Why? Well in this case it was fear of failure that was stopping him from doing what he wanted. He didn’t want to fail and that alone was robbing him of his dream.

But he never told anyone that he had “the” fear. What he told was a bunch of stories about why it wasn’t happening. And boy there were some great ones over the week and months!

Are you just making excuses?

It’s easier to stand still than go for a run isn’t it? If that wasn’t true, the gym industry wouldn’t be the success it is. Because we all know it’s harder to move than to stand still, it’s now people’s jobs to motivate us to exercise. But if you’re making excuses you’re standing still and that won’t turn those dreams of yours into reality.

Some excuses you might be giving for standing still…

  • I don’t have the time.
  • My manager doesn’t support me.
  • I can’t do it as well as other people.
  • I don’t know where to start.
  • I don’t have the money.
  • There’s no opportunities for me.

Bullshit! These are just claims from you about not having the resources but actually what makes people successful in this life is resourcefulness. If you really want this badly you’ll find a way. If you really want this to happen you’ll make it happen. The question is how badly do you want it? How much are you prepared to put on the line for all of this to come in a spectacular way? How much does your heart race at the thought of your dreams coming true?

If you’re not moving and just making excuses for why it isn’t happening try this….

Get a pen and a sheet of paper and write down all of the reasons you’ve given for not chasing your dreams yet and for standing still. Think of all the things you’ve said and done to stop yourself from starting. When you’ve done that go back through the list and come up with a solution to over it. For example:

Excuse: I don’t have time.

Solution: I can create more time by not watching mindless TV in the evening.

Excuse: I don’t know where to start.

Solution: I’m going to start in the only way I know how, from the beginning and make sure I find out how others started off.

Now is the time to stop making excuses if you really want this to happen. It’s time to shift your mindset from “poor little me” to “watch out world, here I come.” It’s time to stop bitching and moaning at other’s success and show the world that you have something to contribute too.

It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the ring. – Theodore Roosevelt

Ben Lumley writes about Success and Personal Achievement at TheBenLumley.com. He is a Personal Achievement Coach and Motivational Speaker. Make sure your grab the RSS feed to keep updated and also subscribe to FREE Weekly Success Tips.

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Filed Under: Guest posts, Thriving @ work Tagged With: ,

How To Be Inventive When Snow Stops Play

December 3, 2010 by 11 Comments

Totally weird I was talking about being in the moment on Wednesday. Turns out that’s what I’m going to be doing a lot of over the next few days.

See, I had been planning on travelling north to Edinburgh for a short holiday. But snow has stopped that particular kind of play. Very sad, as I’d been looking forward to seeing my family, including my favourite nephew. Not to mention hanging out at the mulled wine stalls in the Christmas Market on Princes Street.

Edinburgh Sparkles, say the ads. Maybe. And only if you can get there.

I decided I was going to take the time off anyway. I’ve planned work and clients around it, and I need a break, so why not? Now my diary is a blank canvas. (Although, as I write this, my OH, also known as The Minister Of Fun, and The Travel Monitor, is planning an itinerary of upbeat things to do, weather permitting, in Buckinghamshire.)

No doubt I’ll be back next week with some insights, or lessons learned. Or maybe just a hangover. In any case, I wanted you to know that the blog isn’t going to be languishing in my absence.

Meet my two fabulous site-sitters: Ben Lumley and El Edwards.

Ben

Ben is a personal achievement coach and general self-development geek. He uses everyday language, sprinkled with lots of passion, to inspire us to be the best of ourselves.

El

El is a story teller and muse. She’s on a mission to get us smiling more and to spread more happiness around. She kind of does what the positive psychologists talk about. Except she does it everyday and in the raw.

They’re two cool folks. Be sure to give them a very warm welcome.

Photo credit: Steven Durbin Photography

Filed Under: Work and life Tagged With: , , , ,

Why You Sometimes Have To Ignore Your To Do List And Play

December 1, 2010 by 24 Comments

Do you plan and organize your life so much that you blind yourself to the opportunity in the moment?

As a business woman, who is also a creative, I have to work hard to make sure stuff happens. Bottom line, it’s how money gets made.

Still, I’d be lying if I said that this didn’t sometimes become a little addictive. I get so caught up in the thrill of ticking my own boxes that I forget just to, well, be.

Thankfully there’s also a strong rebel in me that pushes back when I become too delivery focused and forget momentarily to have fun.

That’s how it was a few weeks ago. I’d had some long days and saw a few more on the horizon when I got an invite to an impromptu supper. My initial instinct was to say no. Then the rebel kicked in, I glammed up, and went out to play.

I went with no expectation other than to enjoy an evening with nice company. I so love those dark winter’s nights and sitting round a candlelit table with kindred spirits and a few bottles of good wine.

After a few glasses I got to chatting with a bloke I hadn’t met before. He was a serial entrepreneur with a string of successful businesses behind him. Of course he asked me what I did.

Cut a long story short, it turns out that his next venture is in the realms of computer based training. As I talked to him about the plans for my business – including building an interactive learning community at some stage – it became apparent that we had huge common ground. I have the ideas; he has the technology.

Suddenly my rebellious night out had opened up the possibility of a joint venture.

Now, I don’t know where this will go. What I do know is that, if I’d stuck with my need to do stuff that evening, I wouldn’t even have been having the chance to think about it.

A lot of life and work is about putting one foot in front of the other. But sometimes we need to go off-piste. That’s where we find the magic of serendipity lurking.

Creative Commons License photo credit: *S A N D E E P*

Filed Under: Reinventing work, Work and life Tagged With: , ,