Personal Development is one of the fastest growing niche markets on the web, and lots of people are setting themselves up as a leader, guide or mentor in their field of expertise.
In this day and age where so many of us are searching for answers, we’ll identify with those who seem to offer an understanding of our challenges and the journey needed to overcome them. But can we be sure that appearances are more than skin deep?
Here are 5 things you should know.
Not all gurus are equal
The place of guide or mentor belongs to those who themselves are on a path and continue to travel it daily. Their own journey will be different to yours and they recognize that. But their dedication to their own development gives them a wealth of hardcore experience from which to support you.
Contrast the position of the unscrupulous or hopeful searcher, who has decided, because there’s such an opportunity in the market, and no barrier to entry, that he or she can just write a website and set themselves up. They may be able to knock out interesting blog posts based on material they’ve regurgitated from others. And they may have very slick marketing skills.
But, when the chips are down, and you need some big support with a major bump in your road, do they really have what it takes to help you through it?
Beware gurus who promise a quick fix
The self development master knows that you have the resources in you to create opportunities and change in your life. As much as helping you work through from where you are, they know that a vital part of their role is to help you build your own self-development muscle enabling you, more and more, to tap into your own resources.
But this takes time.
The would-be guru likes to focus on quickly actionable stuff. It meets the needs of our healing on the hurry-up lifestyles. Now, instruction and practical stuff has its place, but too much “tell”, without any attempt to get to the core of your challenges, only fosters your dependence on them for the answers.
Beware gurus who will only attend to one part of your reality
You are your past, present and future. The master is comfortable to constellate all of those in an integrated and positive way as they work with you.
The would-be tends to want to focus on only one or two of these, excluding and often discounting the other. Their discomfort, or misguided belief, robs you of some of your depth.
Be cynical about gurus who project the illusion of the perfect life
The true guide is imperfect and okay about it. They see their fallibility as a strength because they know it means that they’re human. It gives them empathy in their quest to relate to others.
The “life is sorted” brigade are not just being insincere; they are setting themselves up to be better and hence apart from you.
You may initially think that it’s very inspiring to have a totally sorted person as a role model, because you see them as someone you want to be like. But you’re setting yourself up to be miserable, because totally sorted doesn’t exist.
Be cautious of those happy to give themselves the guru title
Real guides and mentors – folks who are indeed “gurus” – shun being defined by that word. They sit in their expertise and own it confidently. Yes, of course, they may use 21st century marketing practices to let you know who they are, but they’re not bumming it.
The folks to watch out for are those who’ll give themselves the title and brag about their expertise and achievements.
To avoid playing the personal development game – lots of apparent discussion and action with no real progress – you need to be smart and discerning. Remember this is your life you’re talking about. Treat it wisely.
Have you ever come across any of the practices above? How did it affect you? How did you deal with it? Are there any other unscrupulous practices you’ve seen around the web or in the personal development world at large?
photo credit: Irene Stylianou
Even by your standards, this is a wonderful post that makes some very valid points.
Everyone should read this, before taking advice from what are, in most cases, self-proclaimed “gurus”.
Thanks for this Christine!
.-= Jim Connolly´s last blog ..A new look at Jim’s Marketing Blog! =-.
Thanks so much, Jim. I really value you the comment.
I hadn’t thought about it before seeing you here, but I guess the points I’m making here are as pertinent in your area of expertise – ie marketing – as they are in self-development. Indeed, I suppose it’s fair to say that life is a jungle and so there’s always a risk we’ll end up being fooled by monkeys!
Appreciate you stopping by!
Twitter: JulieWalraven
says:
Hi Christine, when I first came to Twitter in 2008, there were lots of “gurus” running around in almost every field. Fortunately, I knew enough to avoid most of them and stalled long enough in decision-making that I only engaged with those who were the real deal. I have been blessed with meeting many quality people online like yourself who make it so evident that you are the real thing. Trust is critical.
My own field is no different. When someone hires a career professional, they have to sift through the same maze of “experts” and there are many good ones out there but there are also frauds and wannabes. Building trust with clients across the nation or around the world takes time.
Yesterday a new investment banker client engaged my services after talking with and studying several other career professionals. He told me he liked the fact that I took time with him. My knowledge was expert like the others but he liked the fact that I listened.
My favorite part of my work is getting to know and understand my clients and it is easy to see that your clients get exactly the same value, someone who cares, listens, and has solid solutions to help them find the career path or life path they are seeking. Blessings, friend!
.-= Julie Walraven | Resume Services´s last blog ..Is YOUR resume “just” a piece of paper or a Golden Ticket =-.
You make a really good point about trust, Julie. It is indeed critical, and, as your investment banker client shows, is earned on the basis of relationship and depth, not glitz.
I can see also that there’s much scope in your area of expertise too for charlatans, especially in the current economy – folk taking money from anxious people who are keen to market themselves for work in the best possible way. But it takes a real pro, as you are, to provide the bespoke service that each individual can get most value from.
Blessings to you too!
Chrissy,
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
In other words, some gurus may have good intentions without the prerequisites to guide clients.
They may have noble hearts, but the patient has a bleak future if the doctor lacks medical training and is required to perform an operation.
Conversely, there is creeping credentialism everywhere, both on-line and off-line.
For example, an Oxford-educated gold-medallist may lack the temperament to be your choice.
Some people who have made it big lack empathy and demonstrate arrogance. We all know people like that and bump into them on the lecture circuits, workplaces and other fora.
There are gurus out there who have the right combination but are unscrupulous–hence, the phrase “crooked lawyer” that has been made infamous by the film industry. Of course, this does not suggest that all lawyers are crooked.
It is a delicate balancing act of a trapeze artist performing in a circus. We have to learn how to walk on the tightrope without losing our balance.
We also cannot let our guard down and leave an opening for such people to enter our work-lives.
There are a lot of slick-talkers out there who want your money but do not care about you. They may decide to take advantage of your innocence and make inroads when you feel most vulnerable.
Maybe it would be wise to ask for second or even third opinions before you hire one of these professionals. Nice post, thanks.
Cheers!
Your comment throws up some really interesting points, Archan. On the one hand, training is useful. On the other it doesn’t guarantee talent.
And what you say about slick-talkers wanting your money but not caring about you is very true. I’ve seen instances where folks will sell you what appears to be a great service, but then be pretty slow on keeping connected and following up with you. They had gotten what they wanted out of the exchange, so had basically lost interest.
Your point about asking for second and third opinions is wise. Shopping around, especially in the area of self-development, is good counsel indeed.
Thanks for sharing!
Twitter: adrianswinscoe
says:
Hi Christine,
I think this is a wonderful guide and checklist for anyone looking to follow or engage help on their own personal journey. There are so many ‘snake-oil salesmen’ out there, your guide will help people navigate the hazards.
Thanks for that,
Adrian
.-= Adrian Swinscoe´s last blog ..Deliver a customer experience that matches your customers journey =-.
“Snake-oil salesmen” – I love that phrase, Adrian. Sums it up perfectly. Too many offerings promising to be panaceas for pretty much anything.
Good to see you
Gutted.
Always thought I could cut it as a coach but maybe changing my middle name to Guru was a mistake. Also should I now stop putting up pictures online about my perfect life? Mmmm so many questions lol
Lovely post and very honest (as always)…
I’m off to rework my coaching philosophy to make the results take a while longer lol
.-= Ben´s last blog ..They laughed when I said let the bit parts dazzle- & then they saw my smile =-.
Ah, sorry, Ben!
You also need to stop paying attention to your own development and start pointing out other people’s weaknesses more critically and judgmentally online. That’ll help too!
The only true personal development gurus out there are coaches. They build a relationship with you and are there to provide accountability for your desired results.
Good point, Scott.
However, I think it very much depends on the training/experience, orientation and mindset of the coach. There are lots of people calling themselves coaches out there who are not able, for a whole raft of reasons, to give their clients accountability for achieving results.