I’ve had a curious experience this week that I wanted to share.
It was all the more surprising as I’d just spent some deeply happy days unplugging and enjoying the successes of the first half of the year.
And back at work, I’d confidently set my second half year targets: run 3 Worklife Makeover workshops; add 5 new coaching spaces; sell and deliver 2 social media strategy pieces.
More details on all of these shortly.
I can’t say that one thing triggered it. Maybe it was reading online about the Emergency Budget and its resultant public spending job losses. Maybe it was the stuff I’d seen on TV about the BP oil spill and its ravages on both the US coast line and on the financial markets. Maybe it was the two old whingers I’d overheard in my local coffee shop, crapping on about everything from England’s disastrous World Cup performance to the impact of recession on their pension funds.
But suddenly I found myself asking:
“Who am I…?”
Who am I to be this confident about business in the midst of such upheaval and uncertainty? To be so successful? To have this lifestyle? To feel so loved?
Fear and doubt crept in.
I noticed my attention shift from what I wanted to do in the next months, to what I feared I may not be able to do.
What if I can’t pay my mortgage?
I felt my power sap, and my horizons narrow.
Maybe I should get A Job.
Then, shit, there are no jobs, and, in any case, who’d hire me eleven years out?
Those of you who know me well enough may find this surprising, even funny, but I spent a few unhappy hours, just swimming around in this self-destructive soup.
Whoa!
Unhappy. It was realising that this was how I was feeling that pulled me back from a shockingly downward spiral. I’ve done a lot of unhappy in the past, and I’ve vowed not to do it for long any more.
Life’s too short. Who can afford unhappy?
It was as I was coming back to myself that I got to wondering about all the negativity that’s out there and whether it has some sinister purpose that I’d momentarily got caught up in.
Maybe, I thought, doom and gloom is society’s way of keeping us in line and reminding us who’s boss. It sends an insidious fear message that talks right at the level of our most limiting beliefs.
Sure, it’s all dressed up in fancy, logical language.
The black hole in the economy. Budget deficits. Necessary measures.
Blah, blah.
But it shifts our focus from what we want to do because it’s naturally us, to what we have to do in order to stay valid society members. And it robs our vitality, so that we have energy only for achieving those needs.
Not buying into this.
I heard the words as I regained my own perspective. Yes, I want much of what society would deem as acceptable. But I also want to it on my terms.
And I realised that this was the choice doom and gloom gives us. We can either allow it to knock us out and surrender to its spell; or we can choose not to accept its handcuffs.
And I wonder what choices you’re making in its midst?
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Twitter: JulieWalraven
Christine, we have had this talk before. I was in the same place in March and I was almost in panic mode. But when we listen to all those voices, it stops us from doing the positive things that we would do if the voices weren’t there. Whether you are working for a company and scared of the economic doom and gloom and wondering when it is your turn or working for yourself, it is all the same.
I tend to avoid the news. Immersing myself in the panic voices makes it worse for me. As you know, I made many huge decisions this year that could make anyone frightened and in March, I was.
But April was better and May was better yet. June tied May’s income and now I face July which for career professionals even in a good economy can be difficult as it is the month job seekers and career changers tend to enjoy the summer. But I can’t dwell on that. Move forward, keep letting people know what I do, work on the stalled plans that got stuck with the client load I had in May and June. Positive progress.
I know you know all this but someone reading this may not… so this is you and me saying the same thing… Your words: “And I realised that this was the choice doom and gloom gives us. We can either allow it to knock us out and surrender to its spell; or we can choose not to accept its handcuffs.”
No handcuffs for me!
Julie Walraven | Resume Services´s last blog ..Guest Post at HRMargo for HireFriday
Fantastic long comment, Julie, as you say, sharing aloud conversations we’ve already had.
The feeling of spiraling downward caught me quite by surprise the other day. But taking a hard look at what was really going on was doubly uplifting. It seems to me that you and I are pretty glass half full people most of the time, and pretty determined to live our own lives. Of course we have the kind of confidence too that comes with experience. But there was a big realisation that, if these feelings were catching me, it was possible that they were affecting other people too. It struck me that, for as many people as get sucked down by the whole vortex of crap that’s out there, there will be just as many again who wise up and say “enough already”, as we have.
I like your approach to not watching news. I’ve had times when I’ve also switched off from it all. It’s a tough one because my clients often talk about what’s going on and it’s sometimes useful for relationship building for it to be experienced that you’re staying current and au fait with the things that affect them. It’s a tough one. Most of the time I can be an observer to it. This time I wasn’t. But maybe that’s the way it had to be for me to have this learning, and so profoundly, now.
Twitter: HeavenandEl
Oh my goodness! I can’t believe it caught you too. I thought you were magically immune to this Christine
You’d have laughed if you’d have seen me this morning. I didn’t recognise my own face I’d cried so much! Actually, I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t have laughed but you know what I mean.
The message I’ve got from today is that we have to push through the yucky stuff and not sit in it for too long. And it also helps to have friends around too.
Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..How to give through the grumps
I suppose that’s one of the reasons I decided to write this, Eleanor – I wonder who really, really is immune to these feelings?
I can well believe you were upset today. It’s so immobilising when it gets to you. I spent a few vacuous hours the other day doing goodness knows what. I certainly wasn’t in my most resourced place. I think it’s useful to know we can get caught and not deny it AND then choose not to stay in it. In some ways I think that pretending these feelings don’t or can’t exist makes it worse. We all have to be real.
And, you’re right, it’s great to have friends
Christine,
Awesome post, and I can relate. I’m having some doom and gloom thoughts myself, and struggling mightily to focus on faith in the future on a personal level, never mind societally. I think there’s some truth to a societal “lowest common denominator” that ensures the maximum number of individuals be contributing members of society – but this rules out the highs and lows. I think it rules out individuality, even in countries like the U.S. where the public school system is about making us into good, obedient workers. Think how many more innovators there’d be if we focused less on conformity and more on allowing individual talents, however outside the norm? All I can do is keep focusing on my passion and purpose, just as you described. I detach from what’s going on in society, to avoid depression, but I still care. It’s just that the best way for me to have an impact is by healing myself and sharing what I learn with others in my immediate circles.
As always, good to read you.
Linda
Thanks, Linda. I resonate with what you’re saying about detaching but still caring. I do often think that those of us who have the capacity to process stuff have a role to play in sharing our learning, and helping others, not avoid the pain, but perhaps short circuit it a little.
Good to see you here.
Twitter: IAC_Heather
I often wonder where all the ‘good’ news is. I catch up on current events about once a week is all. I found watching the daily news was depressing and often left me unmotivated and unproductive.
Heather Villa´s last blog ..Weekend Reading- My fav’s from this week- 7-2-10
Interesting, Heather.
Actually, since I wrote that post I’ve severely cut back on the amount of news watching or reading I’m doing. I’ve been scanning headlines in front of newsagents and that’s as much as I need. It’s one thing to understand what’s going on, but it doesn’t need to completely demobilize us, right?
Twitter: KateBacon
Hi Christine
After 7 years of being in business for myself, I know this feeling all too well (you are right I believe, no one is immune from self-doubt once in a while!)
The last time I decided it was time to “look for a job” I completely turned my business around…sometimes it can be a useful motivator and benchmark to see how far we’ve come and know there is no going back.
Kate
Kate Bacon´s last blog ..Do you let others name who you are
That’s a really interesting point about using that moment of deciding it was “time to look for a job” as a benchmark. It certainly did make me realise how far I’d come. In fact, funnily, it did make me realise I was an entrepreneur now and actually having so much fun that there was no way I was going to look for a job!!
Twitter: bluepop13
We all have times like this and to not let it knock us down and to strive and keep going is what keeps life moving.
I have crap work history myself but I’m doing this and I’m happy with it. I’d rather NOT get a job and just do this as it makes me happy and I can actually provide value to a lot more people much faster anyway.
Eric´s last blog ..Blogging Better- The Two Simple Ways To Do So
These moments do indeed give life a bit of an edge, Eric, in a way I wonder if people tucked up in the imagined safety of this or that “job” really ever experience.
Glad you’re enjoying what you’re doing. Your comment reminded me of a fabulous book I read some years back. The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield. In it, he talks about being much happier to be working for himself, even with all its discomforts, than working for someone else. I suspect if you haven’t read it you might like it?
Twitter: bluepop13
Hey Christine,
Thanks for replying!
I just saved the title and author of that book in my Google Docs. Thanks for mentioning it as I love reading new material.
It’s cool how a comment or post can remind us of something and it gets spread around so fast.
Have a great day!
Eric´s last blog ..Blogging Better- The Two Simple Ways To Do So