Today I’m delighted to share this guest post by Ben Lumley. Ben is a Motivational Speaker and Trainer from the UK who writes about personal development at 6aliens.com. Why not connect with him on Twitter @6aliens or if you liked this article then why not subscribe to his RSS Feed?
It’s not easy doing what you love. In the beginning there are challenges that you don’t always expect and some can really knock you off your feet. But these are things you have to face because by dealing with them you’ll move closer to making your dream become reality.
The challenges below are all ones that I face today as work to create a future full of what I love to do.
Family and friends
One of the biggest and sometimes hardest challenges comes from your family and friends. Sometimes we expect those around us to fully support our dreams and ambitions but this isn’t always the case. Those close to us can in fact disagree with our choices and are happy to make that clear.
This can come from many things. Sometimes it can be because they fear that they will lose you while you’re out changing your future. Other times it can be through jealously because they don’t have the confidence to chase their dreams or have failed in the past and never gotten back on the horse.
I don’t think there are right or wrong ways to overcome this challenge. The solutions will be unique to each of us. All I can do is share the philosophy that I have. It’s simple really. I just keep pushing on towards my goals and keep trying to make my vision for the future come alive. True friends will stick out the ride whether they agree with you now or not. Family ultimately want what they perceive is best for you. When they can see that you’re doing what you love and it makes you happy, then they will come around.
Time
Another big challenge in doing what you love is the time it takes. Unless we chase our dreams from an early age, we usually have to manage work and life at the same time as trying to make a change. This can not only take a lot of time but also requires us to use the time we have to better effect.
If you’re coming home from work and then putting some time into what you love that’s time you could be spending with loved ones. I could quite easily spend every evening with my wife but then I wouldn’t have time to work on my goals for the future. It’s really about finding a balance while also helping those who are missing out on your time to see the potential benefits and opportunities your success will bring.
Sometimes when we’re doing what we love we have to make sacrifices in other areas of our lives in order to provide time to make the challenge. This is what we need to manage well to get the best of every opportunity.
Making the Jump
A common challenge faced by people who do what they love is making that jump from their old life to begin that new one. Taking the leap of faith that allows you to completely change your life can be a challenge in itself. It’s a massive step outside your comfort zone that many of us are terrified to make.
But this is the kicker. If you want to chase your dreams in life you need to bite the bullet and go for it. You need to stand up and be counted if you want them to come true. There is sadly no getting around it. You just need to be brave and go for it.
Sometimes the things we love to do bring their own challenges. They are challenges we all have to face however and do in fact make us stronger, just as all situations in life ultimately do.
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Hi Ben and Christine
I completely agree with what you said Ben about biting the bullet. There is no getting around it. We can either sit on the sidelines watching others go for their dreams or get on the court with them!
I also read somewhere that for every step you take towards your dreams, the universe takes ten steps for you. I really think that is true and I have experienced that in my own life. When we are really aligned with our authentic goals and are taking action, magic happens!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..6 ways to find your passion =-.
I like that Jen; “every step you take towards your dreams, the universe takes ten steps for you.”
It is amazing what happens when we align ourselves to our goals.
Thanks for taking the time to comment Jen.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Putting A Time Limit On Who You Are? =-.
Got to agree with Ben here, Jen. Beautifully put as always.
Twitter: diary4life
Ben,
I agree finding the balance is a must; not an easy thing to do but finding it will make life so much more straight forward. Not just with our work but also our relationships.
Regards
Paul
Balance is really important isn’t it Paul? Not easy is still very important.
Thanks
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Putting A Time Limit On Who You Are? =-.
Thanks for the opportunity to guest post for you Christine. It’s a real honour.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Putting A Time Limit On Who You Are? =-.
I’m delighted to have you here, Ben, and writing about this subject. It’s one that I’m sure many people wrestle with and I’m really keen to hear from others how they grapple with these kind of challenges.
Twitter: eduardsays
Ha! That first one about family and friends made me laugh. Because I think a lot of people (myself included) can identify with it. Family and friends may mean well, but they often try to make you stay in a safe, conventional zone. This is why I think it’s important to be willing to piss some people off, every once in a while
.-= Eduard @ People Skills Decoded´s last blog ..Why attitude, not aptitude, determines your altitude =-.
Well said, Eduard!
I think when we change we can be unconscious reminders to people of their own inertia. Some of their criticism of us, can really be a way of asking us to collude with their stuff. Continuing to be ourselves, and indeed risk upsetting them in the process, is no bad thing!
Yeah it’s a traits of high achievers; the ability to piss people off without worrying about it too much as it just brings them further toward their goal.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Putting A Time Limit On Who You Are? =-.
Twitter: mandylehto
Ben & Christine – great post! It’s always a pleasure stopping into A Different Kind of Work for a different – and always enlightening – reading experience. You make some good points here, Ben. Having that combination of gumption and perseverance is key. And as Forrest Gump said, ‘always keep your BS-detector in good working order.’ As you rightly say, some people might try undermining your decisions. They might try to make you question yourself. I had this happen (with someone I really respected) and the person later admitted they actually wished they had the balls to make the leap themselves. I smiled quietly and with great satisfaction. Nice guest post!
.-= Mandy Lehto´s last blog ..Bonus Time – Reassessed =-.
Hi Mandy
Thanks for the great comment. I’m really pleased you liked what I hope is my first of many guest posts here. (Nudge Nudge Christine!)
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Putting A Time Limit On Who You Are? =-.
Thanks for the comment, Mandy. I love the way Ben has been so non BS in writing this post!
Fascinating and disappointing that you had someone important challenge your direction. But how wonderful that they were able to voice their own wishes later. There’s something really honest in that.
I’ve found the reactions of people to what I’m currently doing vary widely. Yes, there are some – including yourself – who have been and continue to be huge supporters. Others on the other hand have glazed over and said nothing. I did see the latter initially as some kind of indication that I’d lost my marbles leaping off into the big unknown of a more individual, social media driven business. Then I chose to see it as a huge endorsement that I was actually on the right path and that their apparent disinterest masked a jealousy. If I was provoking that I must be doing something wildly right!
Twitter: RyanHanzel
Hey Ben I am glad you wrote this. Very excellent post! As recently I decided to make the big leap (initial steps) into my future that I want by quitting any addictions I feel hinder me. You know that but it is great to stumble across posts that I can relate to at these moments. Keep it up man!
.-= Ryan Hanzel´s last blog ..A fresh perspective =-.
You hang on in there man
.-= Ben´s last blog ..An Interview with Yours Truly =-.
Twitter: chrysula
I have small children and a rich and busy life. I am also pursuing a dream that is joyous and time consuming to me. The downside? My beloved takes a back seat in the overall demands on my time. I love the focus and commitment you recommend here – you are absolutely right. But it must be tempered.
The dream isn’t going to be much fun if I lose the one I love most along the way. We have to invest in those critical relationships. They cannot support our dreams if we don’t regularly invite them in, and make sure at least some of our best energy is available for them. Sometimes all it takes is to sit down and share what we are doing with each other.
P.S. Christine, the site looks gorgeous.
.-= Chrysula Winegar´s last blog ..It’s Always About What You Do With It =-.
Your point is very valid Chrysula.
I completely agree which is why I spend at least 2 hours with my family before I start my own projects in the evening. I also minimise my working on the weekends down to a minimum so they have 99% of my attention.
I also made sure before starting this journey that I had a long talk with my wife about my dreams and how I wanted to achieve them. We agreed some things and I made sure I had her full support before moving forward.
Thanks for your comments
.-= Ben´s last blog ..An Interview with Yours Truly =-.
Twitter: chrysula
This is great modeling of what you are talking about. We have a Sunday night couples planning meeting every week to review the dreams, goals and then the more mundane weekly planning, budget, kids. And still I find myself slipping. Good reminder to me of who and what has to come first when considering the whole process. And then of course, the hardest part for me – being where I am.
.-= Chrysula Winegar´s last blog ..It’s Always About What You Do With It =-.
Awesome, Chrysula.
My partner and I go out for breakfast together every Friday morning and, like you, review our dreams and goals, how the last week has gone in their regard and what we need to do the week coming. It’s a sacrosanct appointment, written into our calendars and always a “date” we look forward to.
Lucky for me, he “gets” what I’m trying to do and supports me 150%. I hope I am similarly supportive of him. I’ve worked with people, however, whose partners for whatever reason refuse to understand, sometimes provoking a choice point around how far they’re going to “rock the boat”. Brings into question all kinds of things around the relative importance of one thing to another and the trade-offs one is or is not prepared to make.
Thanks, by the way, for the compliments re the site redesign. I’m very happy with it!
Hi Ben & Christine,
Oh my, having just made the transition into doing what I love, I can relate to all of these, and of course I see coaching clients facing all of them as well.
One of the most challenging things for me was dealing with the fact that some key people in my life saw my career change as a mistake they had to prevent me from making. Oh boy that led to a lot of difficult emails and conversations. Interestingly, once I moved forward made the career shift, they simply accepted it and now they support me in what I’m doing. They were really just feeling very afraid on my behalf.
Time is a huge issue….and it can also be a huge excuse. I find many people will use “I don’t have enough time” when in fact they can move forward in meaningful ways with just a few, not too time-consuming actions every week.
Thanks Ben and thanks Christine for hosting!
Warmly, t
.-= Tara Mohr´s last blog ..Getting Unstuck =-.
Hi Tara
I’m facing the challenge of family members not supporting my dreams. It’s really hard at times but I know eventually it will pass, as everything does in life.
Pleased you liked the article
.-= Ben´s last blog ..An Interview with Yours Truly =-.
I really relate to what you say, Tara. When I went out on my own at first some of my professional colleagues thought I’d lost my marbles and said so. It was pretty tough not to take that on and wonder whether I had or not! Such a challenge!
And, yes, time is a huge issue. I thing I plotted my exit from the corporate world in snatched hours and weekend times over the course of about a year before I jumped. For a while it can feel like you’re not making progress. Suddenly you reach a tipping point and realise how much you’ve done, bit by bit.
Lovely to see you here!
I don’t have a lot to add that hasn’t been said already, but I just want to tell you that I really love this post. So full of truth, thanks.
.-= Nathan Hangen – Digital Emperor´s last blog ..How to JV Your Way to Success =-.
Thanks, Nathan.
Fabulous of you to drop by and glad you enjoyed Ben’s post.
Thanks Nathan. Great feeling to know you enjoyed it.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Friday’s Homework =-.
Honestly, I personally don’t think it’s as hard as it sounds -
If you really want it – and you put your entire energy and soul into it – then everything will fall into place.
Seriously, the rest is drama that your mind wants to come up with – it’s only your head.
.-= Mars Dorian´s last blog ..How an Ugly Girl rocked my World, and why that can Skyrocket your Brand’s Influence ! =-.
“It’s only your head.” Love that, Mars.
Thanks for coming by and contributing.
Oh I’m not so sure a key family member telling me to my face that what I wanted to do and what I wrote on my blog was “crap”, was all in my head. Another family member said he found what I did insulting to someone like him who goes to work and slave all day to put food on his families table.
A lot of the nerves we feel about the time we have to play with as well as taking that leap of faith is always our minds creating the worse possible scenarios. These things are within our control.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Friday’s Homework =-.
Wow, Ben, that sounds very, very painful. I’m so impressed you stuck it out and stuck with yourself.
I had a lot of hysterical people telling me I was ruining my life, that coaching careers were for weird dysfunctional people who want to talk to other dysfunctional people, etc.
I can so relate!
Yeah its not much fun to be honest but I’m resolved to achieving my goals with or without support
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Friday’s Homework =-.
I love your determination, Ben. Even in the face of such adversity. You got to have something very powerful to offer the world if people react so violently against what you want to do!
Nicely laid out. It’s now always as easy as it sounds – do what you love. Sounds simple, the reality can be tricky.
It looks like no-one’s linked to this yet, so I will – Paul Graham’s brilliant, exhaustive and now-classic post on the subject: http://www.paulgraham.com/love.html
Thanks, Tobias. I hadn’t come across the Paul Graham post so will go now and check it out. Appreciate your sharing it.
And, yes, love IS central….
Yeah its sounds straight forward on paper Tobias, but life never usually plays out to plan.
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Friday’s Homework =-.
[...] me away from other people’s discouragement. My fellow coach and blogger Christine Livingston wrote about this recently in her blog, A different kind of work. A lot of people, including friends and family, might [...]
[...] not everyone in your life will be enthusiastic about you taking charge of your destiny. You are part of a system which has till now relied on you playing your role in endorsing its [...]
Ben,
Good to see you on another of my favorite bloggers’ site! Thanks, Christine for bringing Ben here (and BTW, beautiful new design).
I like your points: 1. family and friends: I’ve learned through hard work that I must let go of what other people think of me if I want to move forward with my life and dreams – one of the hardest lessons I am still learning, having been very dependent on outside validation.
2. Time – I am struggling with this myself as I recently shifted from part-time work to full-time entrepeneurialship – how on earth do I balance work time with me time with family time? However, I like to say it’s a “luxury problem.” I wanted control over my own schedule, well, I’ve got it!
3. Making the jump – as a very cautious conservative person, it’s a miracle I’m taking any risks, but I’m doing it in a way I’m comfortable with – taking risks bit by bit. It is possible, and you don’t have to jump off the cliff all at once – I’ve managed to throw myself off one limb at a time (!). I love the feeling of free-fall with a net. ;->
Thanks for your insights, Ben, always love to read your writings.
Best,
Linda
Hi Linda,
Ben’s done a lovely job here, for sure and thanks for the compliments re the new site design!
Thanks for sharing how Ben’s points resonate for you. I know that you’ve just jumped off the employed path and so I can see why! Hoping that’s all going well for you.
Thanks for being here.
Hi Linda
Great to see you here. So pleased you enjoyed my post so music.
Got to agree Christine’s new site is a bit snazzy
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Make a Change – Start taking action now. =-.